Page 56 of Property of Bigfoot
“Not a fucking chance. You want to uphold tradition, baby. I’m the man who is gonna dance for you.” It was possible that I was a little drunk, too. Especially since it felt like I was already dancing, but I didn’t think the music had started yet.
I didn’t get to dance to for my woman because while I was trying to figure out if the music was on, my woman managed to get herself untied and then she let out a battle cry to end all battle cries as she tackled me to the sticky as fuck floor and slammed her mouth down on my mine. “Did I ever tell you that I love you?” she asked when she pulled back.
“Nope.”
“I do.”
“You’re supposed to save those words for our wedding.” She giggled again. “Sammy?”
“Yeah, big guy?”
“I love you, too.
We both wokeup the next day with a killer as fuck hangover and loaded up on the plane back home with everyone else who was a little worse for the wear. “Baffle?” I called out when I noticed he was missing. After realizing no one had seen him that morning, I pulled my phone out and dialed his number.
“Baffle,” he groaned into the phone.
“Hey man, we all boarded our flight already. Where the fuck are you?”
“Uh, shit man. I have something I need to deal with. I’ll be back before the wedding, so don’t replace me as your best man.”
“What the fuck is so important?”
“I’ll fill you in when I get back.”
“You need backup?”
“Nah. At least, I don’t think so.” Baffle hung up just as the flight attendant came around and asked me to put my phone on airplane mode for takeoff.
26.WEDDING SURPRISE
SAMMY
Bigfoot was freakingout the morning of our wedding. I knew because I could hear him shouting the clubhouse down looking for his best man. “I hope Baffle gets here soon,” I muttered to my soon-to-be mother-in-law.
“Me too or that boy will be in a world of hurt when he does show up.” She eyed some of the women who were sequestered with me. As if the “can’t see the bride before the wedding” applied to all of them too. “Roxy is hoping your wedding will make Baffle realize it’s time to settle down.”
I hated to break it to either of them, but I was fairly certain Baffle wasn’t interested in Roxy. Not as anything more than an occasional fuck buddy at best. Then again, I didn’t really know because the man played his cards tight to his chest. The only person who stood a chance at guessing something like that was my fiancé.
“I’m here fucker, can you pipe down before you raise the dead?”
“That’s not funny!” Bigfoot declared as I peeked out the door and watched the two men embrace in that weird back slap, half hug hybrid thing they did. There was a woman staring adoringly up at Baffle from just off to his side. As soon as he pulled back from Bigfoot, my man asked, “Who is this?”
“Funny story,” Baffle nervously chuckled as he admitted that. “This is Nell, my wife.”
“Your what?” Bigfoot asked, clearly shocked by the development.
“Your what?” A woman screeched from somewhere beside me. My ear started to ring as all the women flooded out of the room we’d been holed-up in. “You had better be fucking joking, Patrick fucking Mendoza! We were supposed to get married!”
“You were engaged?” The woman who Baffle claimed to be married to asked in a soft voice.
“No. I was not engaged. I wasn’t even dating anyone before I left.”
“You know good and damn well we were always supposed to end up together!” Roxy shouted. When Baffle didn’t so much as blink at her assertion, she turned her claws on the seemingly meek woman who was wrapped under Baffle’s arm. “You conniving little whore!” she shouted before she launched herself at Nell.
Bigfoot caught her before she could make contact and bellowed. “Punchy, you better get over here and get your daughter! I am not putting my wedding off because she can’t handle reality when it hits her.”
That was a little cold, but then again, I didn’t ever remember seeing Roxy by Baffle’s side the way that he had Nell tucked against him. There was a bit of a scuffle and eventually the woman was escorted out and the music started up that was supposed to signal my walk down the aisle.
