Page 58 of The Difference of a Darcy
Chapter 11
Elizabeth’s breath caught. For a long, stunned moment, she could not speak—could not move.
Jane bowed her head into her hands once more, and the room filled with the quiet, wrenching sound of her weeping.
Fortunately, this allowed Elizabeth time to gather her composure and remember that she was supposedly not hearing this for the first time. She moved up to sit near Jane on the bed and began to rub her back soothingly.
“It is alright,” she said hoarsely. “You are not alone.”
Jane shook her head miserably. “You do not understand. Youcannotunderstand.”
“Tell me, then.”
“It began at Netherfield,” Jane whispered at last, her voice thick with shame. “After I fell ill and remained to recover. He was so attentive… so kind. Not just in company, but in private. And after a few days, he… he began to speak of marriage. Not formally, you see, but in the gentlest ways… of gardens and furniture and London seasons.”
Elizabeth’s heart ached. So much like the man she had seen with her own eyes—charming, soft-spoken, sincere in all appearances. A man who once needed Darcy to steady him toward honor.
“I believed him,” Jane went on, her voice breaking. “Iwantedto believe him. And one evening… he came to my room. To check on me, he said.”
Elizabeth looked down, trying to maintain the calm of someone who already knew this—but it was harder than she expected. Her hands clenched in her skirts.
“It was foolish. I know it now. I should not have let him in. But at the time—it felt like a promise. A future. I did not even realize what was happening until it was over.”
Blushing slightly, Elizabeth did her best to remember that in this world, she was a married woman and not an innocent maiden.
“I had no reason to think—” Jane’s breath hitched. “Two weeks later, I began to feel ill again. My courses did not come. I thought it might be stress, or lingering effects of my cold. But then the ball came, and I could feel it—something waschanging. I told him that night. I pulled him aside and said the words as quietly as I could.”
Elizabeth’s eyes stung.
“He looked… surprised. Frightened. Almost angry. He said we would speak more the next day. But therewasno next day. He was gone. The whole house was gone. No word. No letter. Nothing.”
Clenching her fists, Elizabeth seethed with anger.How dare he! How could he trifle with my sister and disappear without so much as a word?
“And then,” Jane whispered, “I heard that Lizzy had rejected Mr. Collins. And I thought, if I married him, it would protect us. My shame could be hidden under the guise of a marriage. But then—” She gave a shaky breath. “Lizzy convinced me otherwise.”
“Why?” Elizabeth asked, even though she already knew.
“Because she thought Mr. Bingley would return.” Jane’s voice cracked. “She… she thought if I got engaged to Mr. Collins, I would be trapped—and if Mr. Bingley returned, it would be too late. The worst thing, she said, would be for Mr. Bingley to come back to Netherfield and me be unable to accept him.”
“So she sacrificed herself.”
Jane gave a miserable nod. “She was so certain, and I believed her. Iwantedto believe her. So, I let her marry him, let her sacrifice herself. She told Mr. Collins she had changed her mind.”
“And you agreed to this.”
Jane looked up at Elizabeth with eyes full of shame. “I did not have the heart to stop her. I did not truly believe Mr. Bingley would return, but I desperatelywantedit to be true. He promised to be back by Christmas, but the day after the wedding, I received a letter from Caroline Bingley.”
“Oh? What did she have to say?”
“She said that they were quite happy in London, and she listed all of the different parties and events they had planned for the holidays.”
“So, he is not returning.” Elizabeth bit her lip to keep from venting her spleen about faithless lovers and their pernicious sisters. “What is the plan now?”
“Lizzy said for me to go to the Gardiners in a few months. She said she could convince Mr. Collins to do the lying in at their home instead of Hunsford, and she would claim my child as her own. But now she is gone. Her life is ruined, and all because of my selfishness, my weakness.”
Elizabeth drew in a long breath and placed her hand gently over her sister’s. “You were not weak,” she said. “You were frightened. And you were trying to do what you thought was best.”
“I feel so… sodirty,” Jane whispered. “And Lizzy—she walks through the house with Mr. Collins on her arm, and Mama praises her for being dutiful, and all the while she is covering forme. She will never have a chance to find happiness or love.”
