Page 70 of Accidentally Mine
Iwoke up with a start on the couch in my aunt’s living room, surrounded by a sea of paper.Some of which I’d drooled on.Fantastic.
Wiping my bleary eyes, I looked up at the television screen.The movie I’d popped into my aunt’s DVD player had ended who knows when.I wasn’t sure why I’d chosen it.It’d started out as an interesting legal drama and then dissolved into a soft-porn flick about a ridiculously horny lawyer who falls in love with—and nails every chance she gets—all of her clients.Sigh.I should’ve known.
I grabbed my phone and looked at the time.I’d fallen asleep at around four a.m., and now, here it was, nine in the morning.The papers around me were still in complete disarray.I’d come up with nothing but a ton more questions, and I’d promised Steve I’d have my answer by today.Most of the paper trail, unfortunately, I didn’t understand.
I went into the bathroom and took a shower.As I was brushing my hair before heading downstairs to dive into the mountain of papers again, my phone rang.
Brent’s name showed up on the screen.
I took a deep breath.I’d practiced how I should behave when I next spoke to him.I needed to be calm and even, pretend like nothing was wrong while keeping my distance.“Hello?”
“Hey, stranger.I’m amazed to be talking to you.Thought it’d go right to voicemail again.”
I closed my eyes.Even his deep, low voice made me want him.I’d known that would happen, which was why I hadn’t answered his last four calls.I gritted my teeth.“Just been busy.”
“Yeah.I imagine.But I’ve got to talk to you, Roselynn.”
I needed to talk to him too.I wanted desperately to crawl into his arms and never leave them, but as I went down the narrow staircase, I looked over the railing at the piles of paper.The mess looked even more terrible from above.“I’m so sorry.I’ve just got so much to do right now.”
There was a pause, and in that pause, I felt my resolve crumbling.I was putting him off, putting off the job of ending things with him.
I needed to do it.
If I cared about him, it had to be done.
And I did care.
“Maybe later?Dinner?”I suggested.
“Yeah.Dinner.It’s a date,” he said.“I’ll come by with Ernest to pick you up at seven?”
A date.What was I thinking?I couldn’t have a date with him.If I let myself be sweet-talked into a whole meal with him, I’d end up naked in his bed again.I shivered in anticipation at the thought.My whole body wanted that.Except my head.My head knew that simply being in his presence would only make things worse.
“Actually, just call me later.Okay?I’m not sure when I’ll be able to cut loose.”
“Roselynn.Listen to me.Don’t put me off.I know what you’re afraid of, and I’m not turning away.”
My heart squeezed, then sped up, pounding so hard I could feel it in my throat.“I don’t know what you’re talking about.I’m just busy.I’ve got to go.”
He started to speak, but I ended the call and sat down on the sofa, willing myself not to cry.Now, it was just me and four million sheets of paper to go through.
I hadn’t felt this alone since that day two and a half years ago, when I’d crossed into New York and seen the “You Are Leaving Massachusetts” sign.Back then, I’d felt so terrible that I’d had to pull over to the side of the road until I’d stopped crying.
This time, I willed myself to stay strong.I picked up another past-due bill and put it in a pile, then logged it on my laptop.A lot of the information I was missing was probably still at my father’s office.I needed to go there, again.Just for a few minutes.
As I contemplated that, I got another call.This time, from Claudia.
“Hey, girl!”she said before I could get a word in edgewise.“There’s a new deli in Southie that has sandwiches to die for.I was going to head there for lunch, and since it’s in your neck of the woods, I wondered if you’d want to join me?”
“Oh, thanks,” I said, scanning yet another bill.What was worse than lying to a man you cared about?Lying to himandhis sweet sister, who actually kind of felt like she could easily be the sister I never had.“But I’m a little busy here.”
“Hello?Busy or not, you’ve got to eat!”
I smiled.I was actually starving, since dinner had been a long time ago and I hadn’t had breakfast.With my aunt away, I hadn’t done anything to replenish the fridge, so it was pretty bare.
But no.I needed to cut ties.Kill the roots I could feel forming before they became too settled in the Boston ground.
Be strong.
