Page 33 of Release
Chapter 12
ALEXANDRA blew out a long breath. Wilkes wouldn’t take no for an answer. He never could. Interlocking his fingers with hers, he kept nodding toward the empty floor like an eager cocker spaniel. Those glasses and that side part in his hair didn’t help one bit.
“C’mon. Let’s be spontaneous. You used to want that. Remember?”
He had a point, although it was around two and a half months late. She used to want him to be spontaneous, back when she used to want him. Now she wanted Bash and no one else. Alexandra groaned, reluctant to move, but Wilkes grabbed both her hands and gently pulled her out of her chair. No one from the almost empty corner they were in bothered to turn their heads. She ducked her head in embarrassment, but there was also a part of her that kind of enjoyed being here, in a place where no one seemed to care who she was.
“This is new.” A smile teased her lips as Wilkes kept pulling her into the wide open space. The song the pianist was playing had a romantic canter that invited the sway of hips, although she was not indulging in that. Not with her ex.
Wilkes slid a hand to her waist and guided one of hers around his neck, keeping a foot of space between them.
Okay this is harmless.
He moved her around for a few minutes until he got more and more comfortable—comfortable enough to try to press her body right up against his. That was her cue to spin away, coming back to his arms with a pair of locked elbows that ensured he would keep at a safe distance. He got the point, and did not try anything else.
Without so much as a word of announcement, he picked up where they left off talking at the table. “You said I did something with no regard for how it would make you feel, and I know you want to know why.”
“You don’t have to explain.”
“I know. I was wrong, Lex. I should have been a man…” Wilkes trailed off.
Her lips straightened to a hard line. Eva had warned her not to fall prey to Wilkes. Oddly enough, neither Eva nor Wilkes nor even Alexandra herself knew exactly how deeply Wilkes’ affair had affected her.
“Actually, I don’t want to know why, Wilkes,” she said softly. “There isn’t a reason you can give me that can justify what you did. We do need to accept some truths, Wilkes. So maybe you’re right. Since we’re being all open and honest, you need to know this.”
“I’m ready. Tell me.”
“Just know that I’m not saying this to hurt you.”
He looked down into her eyes. “I know that too,” he said with more honesty and authenticity she had seen in him.
She took a breath. “The truth is I was never in love with you, but I loved you deeply. I accepted that people like us don’t all get the luxury of falling in love. Too many things muddy the waters. We have to worry about gold diggers, wonder about how our careers will affect our partners, or how our partnerships will affect our careers. I mean, even if we date or marry someone in the industry, there’s jealousy, rivalries, separations, and conflicts of schedules. So, I didn’t let myself fall in love with you, but I did love you very much.”
Alexandra swallowed, and blinked back unexpected tears.
I can’t believe this is choking me up, but here it is.
“I used to care about you because I thought you were the best match for me, and then you went ahead and proved me wrong.” Wilkes quietly wiped away the tears on her cheeks as she continued. She had to say it. Now that she started, there was no point in half-assing the rest. “So, you see, I had already given up on true love, but you…you gave me hope that companionship wasn’t out of the question for me. You made me feel like I could find contentment. I actually believed we’d get married and plan a family. Crazy, right? Because…because otherwise I didn’t think I’d get the chance. The truth is, back then I had never connected with anyone in the way I thought a true love connection was supposed to look or feel.”
She clamped her lips shut and looked away. She didn’t add the words that echoed in her head.Until I met Sebastian.
Her relationship with Wilkes was probably destined to fail, because she was settling. Even before she was intimate with Bash, and before she fell in love with him, while she had been putting on this sham of being Alex Roberts, she had a real friendship with him. That was more than she had ever had with Wilkes. That was where the tears were coming from.
She sniffed, swiped at the tears, and straightened up. Wilkes gently tucked her head to his chest, placing her cheek against the collar of his shirt. She breathed in. It was not Bash’s cologne. It was amazing the little things that came to mind.
“Anyway, we’re all over now,” she murmured, pulling out of his intimate embrace. She had to forgive Wilkes for what happened. It made it easier to move on now, especially now that Bash was her present and her future.
Wilkes wrapped his arms more fully around her. Their bodies bumped closer. “Lexxi, I promise you the man I am now is ten times better than the man I used to be, and it’s all because of you. You say people like us don’t get the luxury of falling in love. Well, I am in love with you. I want to be everything you wished for, everything you need. Even if…even if you merely feel content while I feel like it’s paradise on earth. I want to be with you. Always.”
Alexandra looked up at him and started to wonder whether Wilkes was listening more to the strum of the guitarist than to her words. She felt a strong sense of déjà vu.
“We’ve had this discussion,” she reminded him.
“Lex, I’m just trying to tell you how I feel. Please don’t get upset. I know what I’m saying won’t change anything, but I have to tell you. I can’t help but hope there’s something that might change your mind, though…”
The guitar music seemed to get louder, and the quiet conversations around them became an annoying buzz. The lights got brighter. Wilkes eased around behind her, and wrapped his arms around her waist, placing his hands on her stomach. As he moved to the music, his pelvis brushed against her, and the ridge of his growing erection pressed into her lower back.
“Wilkes,” she warned him.
