Page 100 of My Girl
“Go kill yourself,” I shout. He stills, his back to me, his hand waiting on the doorknob. “I’m not a murderer like you, and Ineverwill be.”
His lips curl back. “But you thought about asking your masked killer to take care of that rapist, Officer Gaines, didn’t you?”
My heart sinks. I wanted it so badly. I wanted to enjoy Officer Gaines’s deathwithCrave.
My vision darkens. Is he right?
Crave chuckles. “I bet you even imagined fucking Crave on top of the mall cop’s dead body.”
Did Crave use his Officer Gaines persona to mess with me? To manipulate me into embracing my darker side? To show me who I really am?
The door closes behind him.
My breath pants in my throat.
Outside, a car engine starts.
I rush to the window.
A truck. Dark white paint. The kind of car that so many people have.
Crave—Officer Gaines or whoever the fuck he is—has always been here. Waiting for me.
Confusion and comfort and anger wrestle inside of me. I’m not supposed to be comforted by this.
But I am. I am. I like knowing that he’s been here, watching out for me.
Ned groans, finally coming back to consciousness. My eyes stay glued to that truck. Crave drives away, leaving me alone with the truth.
Our blood. Our shared DNA.
Am I really like him?
Ned pushes himself up, grunting as he strains. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, blood dashing across his skin. His eye is swollen and black, his nose bruised, and his lip is busted. He puts a hand on my shoulder.
My skin grows cold.
“I’ll call the cops,” Ned says.
Tears fill my eyes. There isn’t a bad bone in Ned’s body. He would never kill someone, even if meant protecting someone else. Every blood cell coursing through his body is undeniably good.
But me? I’mnot.Even now, with everything that’s happened, I still don’t want anything bad to happen to Crave.
You’ll hurt Crave by yourself,my brain promises.You’ll get your revenge.
But it’s a lie.
Ned continues: “I’ll fire him. I’ll?—”
“No,” I whisper. “Please.” Ned’s brows furrow with concern. I crack my voice: “I don’t want to make this a thing. Not right now. Please. I just?—”
My voice drifts off as if I’m in shock. But it’s another act. A way to protect Crave so that I can take care of this on my own time. I can have Ned protect me later, in a way that I choose.
But right now, I don’t want to give Ned that power.
“I’ll have my brother watch him, then,” Ned says. I gasp with anguish, layering on the tears. I am crying, but not from the fear of Crave. I’m crying because I’m overwhelmed. Because I can’t face the truth of what wanting my killer father actually means.
Ned stiffens. He puts an arm around me.
