Page 87 of Dead Love
I stared at the icon for the tracking app on my phone. Then I turned off the screen. I couldn’t keep doing that.
After I took a shower, exhaustion settled on my shoulders as I studied the closet, the sour scent of an unused home enveloping me. I pulled out a black button-up shirt and jeans. It’s not like I had many choices.
It’s not like Kora had a choice.
I shook my head and closed the buttons. The point was that shedidhave a choice, and she had chosen to be silent when I needed her.
At least the sheriff had realized he didn’t have any evidence on me.
I sighed deeply, then checked the mirror. The circles around my eyes seemed darker than before, the creases deeper too. As if a man could age a whole decade in a few days. As if betrayal that deep could ruin you.
I went through the front door, telling the dogs to stay behind. I wanted to be by myself. I didn’t deserve their company. A light was on inside of the funeral home; Lee had probably left the light on in her office again. I’d turn it off later.
I sat down in the grass next to her grave. The smooth edges had frayed, a few clumps down at the bottom, likely from insects or other creatures wriggling around in the earth. My shovel was somewhere close by, but my legs and arms were unwieldy. I didn’t want to move. If I let myself go back to work, I would get lost in digging graves, in fixing them, only for the sunrise to burn my skin, and to finally understand that she would never come.
So I stayed there, stuck in place. I ran my fingers over her headstone, remembering how the sunlight glowed around her as she bent down to pick up that daffodil in the flower field on Mount Punica. The stars flickered in the dark sky above me, and the cicadas called out their mating cry. The rotten scent of the volcanic fissures mixed with the floral perfume of the cemetery. I ran my palm over my nose; I rarely noticed the vents anymore, but I hadn’t been here for a while.
I knew she wasn’t coming. Why did I even want to see her?
A figure came toward me. I ignored it, knowing it was too tall to be her, and grabbed my shovel, heading back to the empty grave. Catie came into view, tilting her head at me.
“I thought I saw you out here,” she said. I glanced over at the funeral home; the light was off now. So it was Catie then, not Lee.
“Why were you working late?” I asked.
“Boss is out of town. Had to cover for him.”
I scowled, a huff of air escaping my lips. “Sounds like an ass,” I muttered. But then I nodded to her. “Thanks.” I slid the ladder into the hole.
“You’re welcome,” she said. “So you got out, then?”
I hated small talk. “Seems that way.”
“You break out? Make a deal with Mike?” Her eyebrows scrunched together. “Oh! Was it a deal with Andrew?”
Why would Andrew help me? I jumped down into the grave, then grabbed a clump from the bottom, carefully placing it in the hole it came from, then smoothed it with the back of the shovel.
“So?” she asked.
“You have to have every detail?”
“Seeing as I’m one of your only friends, yeah, I do.”
‘Friend’ wasn’t accurate. Friendship implied that youwantedto be around the person, even when you weren’t required to. Catie was more like family, a sister; I respected her and tolerated her presence when I had to.
But even I could admit that ‘family’ meant telling hersomething.
“Not enough evidence,” I said. “But I saw Kora.”
“Yeah? That’s strange.”
“Why?”
“Her mother keeps letting her out.” She lifted her shoulders. “She said that she wanted to try a different parenting tactic. I guess she thinks more independence will show Kora how wrong the world is? Reverse-psychology or something?”
It didn’t matter what Shea’s reasons were, because the fact was that I was here, and Kora was not. She belonged in that grave. We both did.
“You better start work tomorrow,” she grumbled. “I don’t mind most of it. I’m not good at embalming, but I’ll do it.”
