Page 46 of Cunning Lies
I curl my lips, gnawing on them. “They didn’t hurt me,” I argue. “Patrick was gentle. Uncle Jay coached him and made sure he was nice to me. It was supposed to prepare me for the real world, you know?” So that one of our jobs didn’t hurt me. So that I didn’t cry when it actually happened, in case we had money on the line.
Kenzo shakes his head, and I can’t help but feel defensive of Uncle Jay and Patrick. They’re messed up,sure,but so am I, and so is Kenzo. I grab his arm, and Kenzo’s eyes impale me, an iciness etched into his expression.Pure, frigid rage.
I’m not sure why this bothers him—if it’s a jealousy thing, if he sees me as property, or if he has strong beliefs about what it means to be family—but I want him to understand where I’m coming from. I need my family as much as he needs the Endo-kai.
“They didn’t hurt me,” I say again. “But some day, you might hurt your family too. You won’t mean to do it, but you will. Sometimes, it’s the only way to move forward, you know?” I bob my head, trying to get him to agree with me, and finally, his chin lowers,almostin agreement. “You have to move on. You have to see that they’re still your family. That you’llalwaysbe there for each other. That even if you hurt each other, it might be the best thing for everyone involved. It’s the only way a family survives.”
Kenzo lowers his eyes. Maybe he can relate.
“Your cousin is still a piece of shit,” Kenzo says.
“I never said he wasn’t,” I say, adding a little humor to my voice, but it’s lost in the conversation. Kenzo doesn’t even blink. “He did it to protect me, Kenzo,” I plead. “So that someone else didn’t hurt me first.”
At that, Kenzo’s eyes meet mine, but there’s a barrier between us made of tall stones, so thick and strong that not even a boulder can break it.
“No,” he says.
“No, what?”
“Did youwantto fuck him, Vivian?”
When I was sixteen, I didn’t know what I wanted, only that I had to do what Uncle Jay and Patrick told me. I was drunk and numb, and their logic seemed sound. How could I tell my own family ‘no’ when they just wanted to protect me? Uncle Jay had always looked out for me, and he said it was okay.
I start, “That’s not—”
Kenzo grabs my chin and forces me to look at him. A lightning bolt of warning charges inside of him, his eyes burning like hot coals, ready to set the world on fire.
“It’s a yes or no question, Vivian,” he says. “Did you want to fuck him?”
I gawk like an idiot, but it’s not that simple. The truth is that I agreed. Verbally. I didn’t really have a choice.
But did Iwantit?
Maybe not.
I lower my eyes, and Kenzo lets go of me. “I knew it,” he growls, irritation leaking into his voice again. “I fucking knew it.”
“Knew what?” I ask, annoyance building inside of me too. “I didn’t say anything.”
“He raped you.”
“No, he didn’t.”
“Did youwantit, Vi?” he asks again. “Agreeing because you think youhaveto do something, and agreeing because you actuallywantto do it—those are two different things, aren’t they?”
“It—it wasn’t rape,” I stammer. “Besides, what about us at the gala? On the balcony? In that mirror room?” I shove it back in his face. “That wasn’t exactly ‘nice’ now, was it?”
“I gave you outs.” He grits his teeth. “You inched closer to me. You told me to choke you. You agreed to the game. I even had you mark your exits at the gala in case you wanted to run. If you ran, I never would have come after you. Do you remember what I said? That your uncle paid for his debts? Our relationship was never about him.”
He shakes his head, and I know he’s right. It’s always been different with Kenzo. I’ve always wanted him, even when I knew I shouldn’t.
“Rape comes in different forms,” he continues. “It can even be gentle. Sometimes, it’s with the people who are closest to you. Just because Patrick is nice, doesn’t excuse his behavior. If you didn’t want it, and he did it anyway,it’s rape.”
A dull ache settles in the bottom of my stomach. Was it rape?
I don’t want to do this,I had whispered to Uncle Jay.Please. Another night.
We don’t have time,Uncle Jay said.We’re entertaining Mr. Berger tomorrow. He wants to meet you.
