Page 40 of Crawl
I huff through my nose. His words are nice, but they’re not true. Everyone has issues, and my issues are about as big as they come.
“Now you’re messing with me,” I say.
He subtly furrows his brows. “He’s a judgmental idiot.”
ThatI can agree with. But my shoulders sink, my gaze flicking back to the scarf in my palms. I pinch the fabric and try to understand myself. Why did I think a relationship would work out with Dean?
Why does everything feel better with Cash?
“He said he wanted to get married before he realized I need pain,” I say.
“Were you going to accept?”
I shrug. “I guess.”
His forehead wrinkles with frustration. “What were you going to do? Fake orgasms for the rest of your life, pretending to be happy with him?”
“Yes.”
Tears fill my eyes, not because I miss Dean. I know we’re not meant to be together. But the abandonment when Dean finally left still hurts, because it’s going to happen again, even with Cash. I finally have someone who understands me, but Cash isn’t someone I can have. He’s my enemy. I’m not supposed to feel this safe around him. But I do.
And eventually, I’m going to have to leave him.
Cash wipes the tears with his knuckles, then licks them off of his skin. His hand swallows my neck where the bruises are. He squeezes, and the dull ache builds in my spine, reminding me of what he’s capable of. His eyes lock on mine, and I know that he’s seen everything inside of me. The terrible sides. My shameful sexual urges. The anger I’ve built up from my stepdad and stepbrother. Rage that I’ve poured into him.
Still, Cash makes me feel seen. Heard.Wanted.Even the ugly parts.
Cash tightens his grip on my neck, but I don’t look up. This is stupid. Cash is manipulating me, just like he manipulated Jenna. For fuck’s sake, heassaultedmy best friend.
Whether it’s gentle like my stepdad or a physical assault like my stepbrother, no one deserves to be violated like that.
“I’ll go on your double date,” Cash says.
Those words instantly erase my thoughts. My heart leaps into my throat. I swallow hard.
“With my mom?” I ask.
He nods slowly, his eyes looking down his nose at me, as if he knows that agreeing to this means he can hold it over me. I bite my inner lip, anxious over what he may demand, but it doesn’t matter.He agreed.
And I remind myself that this is it: my chance to kill him like I promised Jenna. Even if he makes me feel seen, he’s too dangerous and too powerful to be free. Hehasto pay for what he’s done, or he’ll do it again. They always do.
“I’ve got bad news though,” I say hesitantly, running my fingers through my hair. “We’re going to an actual restaurant now.”
Cash tilts his head. “Another opportunity to expose myself.”
“Which means…” I trail off, leaning into him, “we can’t have sex in my old bedroom anymore. Sorry.”
He chuckles, but that grin only stretches wider across his face. He has another plan waiting for me, one that’s much more devious than desecrating my old bedroom.
“You think I’m in it for that?” he asks.
I scrunch my nose. “Isn’t that why?”
“Not at all. But I’ve got to catch up with the contractor now.” He winks, then stands between my legs. His hands slip around my throat, holding me without choking me, his fingertips rough and thick. Heat gathers between my legs, knowing that he can crush me in seconds. My breath catches in my throat and I know why he’s holding me like this.
Even if he’s not choking me, he wants to remind me that he controls me.
“Don’t worry,” he says. “You’ll have other chances to make it up to me.”
