Page 83 of Dangerous Deviance
We stared at each other. His eyes flicked across my face, and I knew that he was weighing his good and bad deeds, as if letting meliveas his sex slave was so much better than risking my life as a soldier, like Bates had. But they were the same. Bates had created a killer instinct inside of me, molding me to be a perfect soldier.
Wil had taken me from the woods and given me a place to live in, but he had used me too. Molded me to his sexual whims. Made me fuck a knife. Just like Bates had.
But this was my life. And I knew I was right. They were the same.
And as much as I wanted to believe him, I wasn’t going to let him tell me that I was wrong.
CHAPTER 22
Wil
The next day, we took Julie to Rubble River State Park, a river in Pebble Garden where their family had often visited during the summer, and a place Ellie kept promising to take Julie again, but could never quite find the time. And once Julie snuck out to meet a boyfriend there during high school, Ellie was even less interested. She even made a pointnotto go to that river.
“It seems so stupid now,” Ellie said, staring out the window.
These were the stories Ellie told me about while we drove. She said them to break the silence because someone needed to know about Julie. But I couldn’t get her words out of my head.
You think you’re so much better than them? You’re just as bad as Bates.
And I was. There was no doubt in my mind about that. Some might even argue that I was worse. Even if he did rush them to sign it, at least Bates gave the women a chance to look at a contract. With me? I dealt with people’s savings, their livelihoods, made them think that with just one more pill, with just one more round of poker, then maybe things would be better. But they never were. The house always won.
The shore of the river was covered in jagged stones, so we stayed off to the side, where the terrain turned to dirt. A park bench was a few yards away, and on the other side, a metal trash can. I had a shovel in my car already, so I dug a hole in the exact spot. Ellie said their family used to put picnic blankets and towels down during family trips.
Ellie gently placed the bones into the hole. Her chest heaved, but so much of that energy had been expelled in Shadow Hills, where we had found Julie. Perhaps it was a relief to give Julie a proper resting place. I wasn’t sure. Funerals were second nature to my family, but they never brought any comfort, only a day’s break from work.
So what did this mean to Ellie?
Ellie sat beside the upturned dirt for a long time, a steady stream of tears trailing her cheeks. She loved her sister, just like I loved my brothers and parents. And I knew that as heartless as I was, I would have been devastated if anything happened to them. I knew how broken she must have been inside. Any time I tried to touch her, I scorned myself. Ellie didn’t deserve the fucked up love that I had. She wasn’t meant for my world, nor was she ever meant for Muro’s. Perhaps death would have been a mercy to her.
But I kept her from that. Selfishly. Because I couldn’t live with her death on my conscience. Not when I wanted her for myself.
And that was what was holding me back.
I made a decision then, as the sun crowded behind the treeline. I wouldn’t kill Ellie like my brother insisted. I would make sure that she lived, at least when it came to us.
But she needed to leave. I couldn’t keep her anymore.
***
“Wake up,” I barked, standing in the doorway. Ellie rubbed her eyes, then blinked up at me, adjusting in the bed.
“What?” she asked.
“Get your shit together,” I said.
“What? Right now?”
I crossed my arms, leaning on the door frame. I wanted to be a dick, to make her see why staying with me wasn’t an option, so that she would make that decision for herself. But it wasn’t easy. With a knife in my hand, holding it against her throat, I could be a beast. But this? I didn’t want to let her go.
But I had to.
“You can’t stay,” I said. “Your best option is to go to the Dahlia District. Be with the others until we figure this out with Muro,” I said.
Ellie shook her head. “I’m not going there.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s no different. If I go there, I still can’t leave,” she snapped. “What is wrong with you? Why can’t I stay here?”
