Page 116 of A Night of Desire with a Duke
"The walls are thin," she interrupted, cheeks heating.
"Let them hear. We're married now."
"That makes it worse, not better. At least before, people could pretend we were innocent."
"No one who saw us together ever thought we were innocent."
"They did at first."
"Catherine, I nearly kissed you in the middle of your presentation ball which was held in order to welcome you to the family. While your aunt watched. And the Archbishop."
"That was after we were betrothed."
"I wanted to kiss you the moment I saw you in my ballroom. The miracle is that I lasted three months."
"Why did you? Really? I've never fully understood why you stayed away so long."
James was quiet for a moment, staring at the fire. "Fear," he said finally.
"Fear of scandal?"
"Fear of you. Of how much you meant to me." He set down his brandy glass, turning to face her fully. "Catherine, I'd been with women before. You know about Lady Harrington, and there were others during my military years. But none of them ever made me feel the way you did that night."
"How did I make you feel?"
"Complete." The word was simple but weighted with meaning. "For the first time in my life, I felt complete. And that terrified me."
"Why?"
"Because if you could make me feel complete, that meant I'd been incomplete before. And if I lost you, I'd be incomplete forever."
Catherine set down her own glass, reaching up to touch his face. "You're never going to lose me."
"I know that now. Then? I was convinced you'd realise you could do better."
"Better than a duke?"
"Better than a man so desperate for you he could barely function. Do you know I didn't sleep for three months? I'd lie awake thinking about you, wondering where you were, who you were with."
"I was mostly with Lord Pemberton," Catherine admitted. "He was very persistent."
James's jaw clenched even now, five years later. "I wanted to kill him."
"You nearly did."
"He was touching you. Dancing with you. Courting you properly while I stood in corners like a coward."
"You weren't a coward. You were trying to do the right thing."
"The right thing nearly cost me everything."
They sat in silence for a moment, listening to the storm. It was getting worse, if possible, wind howling like a living thing.
"We're going to be stuck here for days," Catherine observed.
"Good."
"James, we have responsibilities. The children..."
