Page 72 of Slots & Sticks
As soon as the words cross my mind, they strike me as gospel. I don’t deserve this man. I don’t deserve to be happy at all, not with Mom gone. A tornado of emotions slams into me. My nose itches, and tears burn my eyes. I was such a bad daughter. So ungrateful. I can’t fuck things up with Dad, or I’ll risk losing him, too.
My throat closes. The room feels too small. Too loud. Too bright. It’s all pressing in—Camden’s kindness, the dogs, the laughter from the other room, the goddamn case of Ensure. It all makes my skin itch. My hands are trembling. My throat feels wired shut. I want to scream, to collapse, to vanish. I’m the girl who holds everyone’s broken pieces and takes their screams so they don’t drown. I never get to break.
I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve him. Not when my mom’s gone and I wasn’t there enough, not when Dad’s hurting and I’m stumbling around trying to catch up.
I can do a lot of things okay, but I can’t sustain anything. Not when it matters.
I’m not the girl people fall in love with. I’m the girl who keeps everything running while it all falls apart. I’m the one who handles it, who smiles and gets shit done and forgets to feel anything until it’s way too late. And now it’s all raining down at once—Mom, Dad, the dogs, the bed, the grief, Camden. My chest aches so bad I could scream. What if I can’t do it? What if I lose everything all over again?
“Hey.” Camden steps closer to rub my arm. “Dot, breathe. You’ve got this. We can get through anything together.”
I sniffle. “Right. You have absolutely gone above and beyond since my mother died. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”
He lowers his voice so that even though we’re in a room full of people, I’m the only one who hears him say, “I’d do anything for you. You know that. After all, I—”
A squeal cuts through the room. Skinbad, who calmed down after nearly an hour of frenzied barking, starts up again.
“Shit,” Lenyx says, “I’m sorry. I unlocked the dog door, but I think that was the wrong choice.”
I’m grateful for the distraction. Camden’s proximity, usually so welcome, has me feeling cornered all of a sudden. “Aw, did Bo get stuck again? Let me get her.” I bolt away from Camden to rescue my dog, leaving whatever panic-inducing words he was about to utter left unsaid.
Chapter Seventeen
Camden
I barely slept. Every time I shut my eyes, I saw her standing in the doorway with her arms crossed. And that look she gave me before she shut the door. That quiet, polite smile that said thank you for caring—and please don’t love me right now.
I get it. She’s drowning in responsibility, grief, and exhaustion. But I can’t shut it down. My brain doesn’t have an off switch. It replays every word I said that might have pushed her too far, every silence I should’ve filled.
Then the group texts start.
At six o’clock sharp. I left the ringer on last night in case Dot changed her mind about driving Coach and wanted to text me, but I am not prepared for the barrage of one-liners that pour in from a certain sociopath.
ThisIsYourCaptainSpeaking:chirp chirp
ThisIsYourCaptainSpeaking:Time to rise and shine, birdies
ThisIsYourCaptainSpeaking:Gotta get those buns of steel
ThisIsYourCaptainSpeaking:If I don’t start hearing from you soon, I’ll start making phone calls
ThisIsYourCaptainSpeaking:Then house calls
ThisIsYourCaptainSpeaking:I know where every single one of you slackers lives
KnightInShiningArmor:jfc dude go back to sleep
ThisIsYourCaptainSpeaking:Sleep is for the weak
ThisIsYourCaptainSpeaking:Do you want to win Lord Stanley or do you want to get so flabby you can’t see your own dick
KnightInShiningArmor:flab, please
PwnedByOwen:I’m muting this channel
ThisIsYourCaptainSpeaking:No! This is supposed to be our hot girl summer!
ThisIsYourCaptainSpeaking:No Dad Bods, remember?
