Page 69 of Cold Feet
When Emma and Tyler ran off to collect more shells for decoration, Zayne approached, ostensibly to check on our progress.
"Looking good," he said, nodding at our creation. "Kiddos seem to be having fun."
"They're great," Cam replied. "Emma's got a real eye for design."
Zayne nodded, then fixed me with a look that immediately set off warning bells. "Lana, can you help me grab more water?"
It was obviously a pretext, but I couldn't refuse without making a scene. I followed him to the water's edge, where he filled one of the buckets while keeping his voice low.
"Subtle, buddy." I teased.
"You're not faking anymore, are you?"
The directness of his question caught me off guard. "What are you talking about?" I stalled.
"Don't bullshit me, Lana." His voice was tight, controlled, but I could hear the concern underneath. "I've known you your entire life. This thing with Cam; it's not just for show." His eyes, so like our father's, missed nothing. "The way you’re looking at him – that's real. And the way he looks at you… well, I've never seen him look at anyone like that, and I've known the dude a helluva long time."
"We're just playing our parts," I insisted, though the words sounded hollow even to my own ears. "We have to be convincing."
"Convincing? From where I'm sitting, it looks like you're falling for him. Hard." His concern was palpable. "And I don't want to see you get hurt when this charade ends."
"I'm a big girl, Zayne. I know what I'm doing." The lie tasted bitter on my tongue.
"Do you?" He studied me for a long moment, then shook his head. "Just... be careful, okay? The line between pretending and real feelings gets blurry fast."
"I'm aware of that," I said, more sharply than I intended. "I don't need you to protect me."
"Maybe not. But I'm your brother. It's kind of in the job description." His expression softened slightly. "And for what it's worth, I love Cam. Always have. But this situation, it's so complicated. I don’t want you to get hurt."
I couldn't argue with that. Complicated didn't even begin to cover it.
"We'd better get back," I said, nodding toward the sandcastle where Cam was helping Tyler position a flag made of driftwood and a leaf.
Zayne nodded, but as I turned to go, he caught my arm. "Lana. I'm here. Whatever happens. Just remember that. Always. Family first.."
The simple sincerity in his voice caught me off guard. Beneath all his gruff protectiveness, Zayne had always been my steadiest ally. I nodded, my throat suddenly tight with emotion.
"I know. Thanks. Best big brother ever. Don't tell Drake."
"Drake! Lana just told me I'm her favorite!" he yelled.
"Lana, tell Zayne he's hallucinating and I'm your favorite," Drake yelled back.
"You're both my favorite," I grinned at my brothers.
I remained at the water's edge a moment longer after Zayne walked away to rib Drake, letting the gentle waves lap at my feet as I tried to steady my breathing. Was I really so transparent? If Zayne could see through me so easily, who else could? Uh, probably everybody.
More importantly, was he right? Or were Cam and I just trapped in some strange feedback loop of our own making? We'd start pretending our engagement was real, which made it start feeling real, which convinced my family it was absolutely real, which only reinforced to both of us how real it seemed... and around and around we went, like skaters tracing endless infinity loops on ice.
Was I falling for Camfor real? Or was my brain just completely unable to recognize the difference between reality and my own spin? Was Cam falling for me? The possibilities were both exhilarating and distressing, like that breathless moment in double overtime when the puck slides toward an undefended net – victory and heartbreak balanced precariously on the edge of a blade, everything you've worked for hanging in a suspended moment while the crowd holds its collective breath and time stretches like taffy, knowing the game could end in glory or devastation in one final second
Asthe afternoon waned, I escaped for some solitude, needing space to think. I found a quiet spot a little way down the beach and sat on the sand, watching the sun begin its slow descent toward the horizon. The Gulf stretched before me, a vast expanse of blue-green dotted with the distant silhouettes of boats returning to shore. The rhythmic sound of waves against the sand had always calmed me, even as a child.
I wasn't entirely surprised when I heard footsteps approaching. Some part of me had expected – or,okay, even hoped – that Cam would seek me out.
"Okay if I join you?" he asked, his voice carrying over the sound of the waves.
I gestured to the sand beside me, drawing my knees up to my chest.
