Page 130 of Cold Feet
I lifted our joined hands, the sapphire catching the hotel room lights. "I couldn't take it off. Even when I was furious with you, even when I thought we were done. I couldn't take it off for more than a minute. It felt... wrong. Like taking it off would break the spell, and make everything really over."
Something shifted in his expression, raw vulnerability replacing the intensity. "After I saw you, it was like someone flipped a switch. One of theESPNreporters said I played the last ten minutes like a man on fire. Everything clicked into place – every pass, every shot. I've been skating through fog since Thursday afternoon, and then there you were, and I could see clearly again."
"We do need to talk about Montreal," I said quietly, even though the words tasted like ash.
He sighed, the exhaustion showing more clearly now. His shoulders slumped. "I know."
"I can't tell you what to do," I said carefully. "If I say stay and you do, what happens in three years when you see what that money could have bought? If I say go and you listen, I'll always wonder if I pushed you away. It has to be your choice, Cam."
"But how can I choose when I don't know where we stand?" He turned to face me fully, shifting closer. "Would you... would you even consider coming to Montreal with me?"
My heart clenched painfully. "I thought about it. But Montreal's PR Director has been with the club for fifteen years and he's never going anywhere. And honestly? After this scandal, taking a lesser position and hoping to work my way up would be career suicide. I need to stay put and solve this, or I'm not going to come out of it alive.
"The NHL is your dream. I get it," he said.
"Since I was a kid," I confirmed. "I've always known the NHL was where I belonged. And St. Pete... my parents are getting older. Zayne is there. My whole life is there."
"Mine too," he said quietly. "The Montreal offer... it's going to be life-changing money. Ryan says it'll end up eight figures plus bonuses. But Zayne..." His voice caught. "Christ, Lana. He's the steadiest thing I've ever had in my life. Fourteen years of friendship. The closest thing to a real brother I've got. And more than that, even if you and I figure this out, things with him will change. That scares me."
I nodded.
"But for the record, if anybody can get Pandora back in the box, it's you." He squeezed my hand.
We sat in silence for a moment, the weight of all the complications pressing down on us. Outside, Boston traffic hummed, and somewhere down the hall, a door slammed.
"I need you to trust me," Cam said finally, capturing both my hands in his. His palms were warm, strong from years of stick handling. "I know I haven't earned it. I know I left you once before when I should have stayed. But I need you to trust that you're the most important thing in the world to me."
"Cam – "
"Remember what I said at your parents' house? About bad decisions?" His eyes locked on mine, refusing to let go. "Every choice I've made since that night in college has been about protecting what I thought I couldn't lose. But I was protecting the wrong things. I was so afraid of losing Zayne, of losing my place on the team, that I was willing to lose you instead. And that's the worst decision I've ever made."
My throat tightened. "What are you saying?"
"I'm saying I promise," he continued, his voice fierce with conviction, "I will not surprise you. I will not disappear on you ever again. I will not make any decision about Montreal without talking to you first. Without considering us first." He lifted our joined hands to his lips, pressing a kiss to my knuckles. "For me, Lana, you are second to no one. Not hockey, not money, not the team. No one."
His confession stole my breath. All my life, I'd felt like I came second – to hockey, to the family legacy, to everyone else's needs and dreams. But here was Cam, exhausted and bruised from literally fighting for my honor, promising to put me first.
"I'm not a lonely, scared kid anymore," Cam said firmly. "And you were never second. You were so far in first that I couldn't even see second place. That's why I ran. That's why I stayed away. Because I knew if I let myself love you, really love you, nothing else would ever matter as much again. And over the last few weeks, I've come to realize… I don’t want to keep searching for a substitute family. I want to builda real family, with you."
My heart swelled. "Okay," I whispered, my voice thick with unshed tears as I kissed him gently on his forehead. "I trust you."
Relief washed over his face like sunrise. "Yeah?"
"Yeah." I touched the bruise on his jaw gently, and he leaned into my palm. "Now let me take care of you. You look like you got into a fight with the entire Boston Bruins lineup and lost."
"Technically, I won," he said with a crooked smile that made my heart flip.
I stood, pulling him up with me. He swayed slightly, and I steadied him with hands on his chest. "First things first – food. You just burned about two thousand calories out there, and you said you haven't been eating or sleeping."
"Lana, I'm fine – "
"Well, as the formidable Diana Decker loves to say, ‘I'm hungry, so you can eat.’ I grabbed the room service menu from the desk. "What sounds good?"
"Honestly? Everything. Logan forced me to choke down half a protein bar this morning, but that's all I've managed since..." He trailed off.
"Since the other morning," I finished softly. "Oh, Cam."
I ordered what seemed like half the menu – a strip steak with a side of roasted potatoes and a double bacon cheese burger and fries for him, pasta for me, truffle fries to share, and chocolate lava cake because nothing tastes better than a dessert someone hand-delivers to your bedside.
