Page 88 of Accidental Groom
“Harry, stop?—”
“She’d crushed her fucking pain meds, the opioids, and put them in hertea.” The words are broken, violent, almost wept. “Enough to stop a goddamn horse’s heart. And she was holding it when she came in. It was there, in front of myface.”
Elena squeezes my hands. “Stop,” she says again. “You don’t have to go into the worst of it.”
I nod and wipe my eyes on the side of my arm.
“Did you know she was going to do it?”
My breathing is shaky, ragged. “Yes,” I say. “I guessed she would at some point and realized pretty quickly when it was happening.”
“Did you help her?” she asks hesitantly.
“I don’t know,” I rasp. “I didn’t give them to her. I didn’t encourage her.”
“But you didn’t stop her.”
I lift my gaze to hers, seeing the glassiness of her eyes through the chaotic blur of my own. “No,” I say. “I didn’t.”
She nods, slowly, wiping her eyes with her free hand. “Then you didn’t kill her. She made a choice. You were grieving, too, Harry, even if it was prematurely.”
I shake my head. “I should have stopped her.”
“You were herhusband,” she says pointedly, leaning forward a little more. “Not her jailer. I think a part of you didn’t want to force her to stay any longer than she was prepared to.”
The words land somewhere I knew was still open, but I desperately tried to tell myself had closed. I slip my hands from hers, wiping at my eyes, breaking my gaze away from her. “I’ve lived with the guilt of that for twelve fucking years,” I choke. “It’s a part of everything I’ve done since. It’s taintedeverything.”
“No,” she says softly. I nearly jump as I feel her hand sink into my hair, pushing it back from my face again for me. “Not everything. Not… not whatever this is.”
I shake my head. “It has, though,” I murmur. “Because you’re here, understandably asking me about it, because of course you’re nervous, ofcourseyou’re scared.”
Her hand moves down, beneath my chin, and lifts gently, forcing my gaze up to hers. “Okay, yes,” she admits carefully. “But what I mean is that you’ve talked to me about it. And I’m grateful for that, genuinely. I’m not going to leave you because of something you couldn’t stop. It’s not… It’s not going to affect us moving forward, okay?”
I swallow, nodding shakily. “Okay.”
She moves to the edge of her seat, bringing herself closer, and presses her forehead to mine. “Thank you,” she whispers, “for telling me. And I’m sorry that you had to go through that.”
I reach for her without thinking, one hand slipping behind her neck, my thumb stroking her skin. “I don’t want you to thinkthat I’m hung up on it,” I admit. “I don’t want you to see me as someone still stuck in the past. I grieve her, I do, but I’ve moved past it in the ways that matter to this. Just maybe not the… the guilt.”
She nods, her forehead rubbing against mine. “I believe you.”
I don’t know how it happens. I don’t know who moves first. But her mouth is on mine, and it’s not distant now, it’s not cold. It’s warm and slow and more real than it’s ever felt.
When I pull her up out of the chair, she doesn’t resist.
When I walk her down the hall with my mouth on hers and my hands half under her shirt, she doesn’t stop me.
When I pull her onto the bed, into my lap, she exhales against my lips.
We don’t speak any further. We don’tneedto. It’s not frantic or frenzied as my hands move to remove her clothes. It’s not pity, or it doesn’t feel like it is. It’s grounding, like we’re returning to some shred of normalcy.
It’s easy. The heaviness of everything else seems to lift, at least for a moment.
Chapter 31
Elena
Iwake to empty sheets in a room I barely know.
