Page 59 of Angels and Skulls
He grabs my arm harshly, turning it in the light. His eyes meet mine. “You were that desperate to remain hidden?”
“Rachel made my dream for Raffe and Jackson a reality. If Bill had told everyone, that would have killed it. She was the wife and mother I could never be to them. They deserved the best.”
“It was all built on a lie, and she knew that. Rachel deserved the best. She deserved to have all of his love. You shorted her!” he yells, shoving my arm away in disgust.
“Is that how it works? Do you and your wife reserve all your love for one person?” I ask, taking a step back when he snarls at me, but that doesn’t stop me from continuing. “He loved her, Dirk. Don’t take that away from him. It’s all he has left of her.”
His fists clench as he thinks about what I’ve said.
I fall to the couch, suddenly exhausted by the emotions of the day. Eventually, he sits down in the chair across from me.
“I know you’re angry, but please don’t take it out on Raffe. He didn’t have anything to do with this, and you know it. I understand you think it should have been me and not her who died. I don’t disagree.”
“That’s not …” he begins to say.
I hold up my hand. “I don’t need you to sugarcoat your feelings about me, Dirk.” He drops his head, running his hand over the back of it. “I wanted her to live a long and full life with them. I would have willingly traded her places.”
“I don’t know why she’s revealing her hand now. She could have taken the secret of you with her.”
“Well, that makes two of us. I wish she would have left me a letter like she did everyone else.”
His head snaps my direction.
“She didn’t leave you one either?” I ask.
“No,” he answers, his jaw working back and forth. I can see it hurts him.
I stand up to get the contract his sister and I both signed. When I toss it at him, he catches it in one hand. He reads it quietly. His gaze meets mine after he finishes.
“Does Raffe need me?” I ask.
His nostrils flare. “He doesn’t need you.” Dirk’s eyes narrow as he spits the words at me like venom.
“Then I don’t know why she did this.” I lean forward, narrowing my own. I allow a little bit of my old self out. “But she did, and I’m not going to step away from Jackson just because it makes Raffe, or you, uncomfortable. I trusted Rachel to do what was best for my son. I’m not going to stop now.”
The timer goes off on my oven. “If you’ll excuse me, I have some baking to finish up.”
I leave him and head to the kitchen to pull out the bread I’ve just made.
He stands awkwardly before joining me. “So, is this what you’ve been up here doing all this time?” His gaze roams over my counter before going to the window overlooking my backyard.
I don’t answer him because I don’t owe him an explanation of what I’ve been doing.
“You looked natural with Jackson,” he continues.
It makes me sigh loudly and turn, resting my butt against the counter. “What do you want from me?” I ask, folding my arms over my chest.
He shrugs. “I guess I’m trying to figure out what it is about you that Raffe couldn’t let go.”
I know the answer to that question, so I answer it. “When they separated us, I could hear him yelling for me from the other room. He promised he wouldn’t rest until he found me.”
“Even when he thought you were six feet below him, he didn’t let go.”
I rub my temples. “We were fourteen. Up to that moment, we’d led a sheltered life. Our biggest concern was riding his dirt bike down to the river and skipping stones. Then suddenly we found ourselves in a world neither of us could ever have possibly conceived. He heard them raping me, Dirk.”
His jaw clenches, and his head falls. “I just wanted him to move on so badly. Not just for my sister, but for him too.”
“I’ve hoped for the same thing. If he felt anything for me after learning of my death, it was probably because of Jackson. He was never supposed to know the baby was mine.”
