Page 44 of A Bloody Merry Christmas
December came with chaos. Lucy demanded we get a Christmas tree, and while Sam tried to protest, Lucy told us everyone would be spending Christmas atourhouse. Yes, she’d acted as if I actually lived here permanently. Sam hadn’t protested that it was ours, and the thought turned me all warm and wiggly inside.
Sam relented to his cousin’s girlfriend.
We’d bought a Christmas tree—a white one. I’d never seen a white tree before, but I helped him set it up while he turned on music from his phone. Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas” blared from the phone’s speakers. I winced because I remembered the days before I’d left Gary’s and how much Mom loved listening to this song.
Despite my memories of my mom’s horrible singing, I hummed to the tune anyway, my foot moving with the beat as I helped Sam place glass ornaments on the branches of the tree.
Sam raised his eyebrows at me, and I chuckled.
“Don’t judge. I know it’s Mariah.”
He held up his palms, but the corners of his mouth curved in amusement.
I groaned because I was judging myself, but who was I kidding? Mariah slayed the Christmas song and it was difficult to stand still when all I wanted to do was dance.
Fuck it.
After placing the bauble onto the branch securely, I moved back away from the tree and did a twirl. Sam watched me, the delight growing in his warm eyes as I bobbed my shoulders and arms with the beat of the music, belting along with the lyrics in a singing voice that rivaled my mom’s for one of the worst. I held out my hand, asking him to join me, and he laughed silently as he took it and let me spin him toward me. He danced with me, though he was no expert, and together we bounced along with the energetic tempo until Mariah had sung her last line.
Then, we laughed together, falling into each other as we crashed on the couch.
“I wasn’t meant to be a singer.”
He glanced at me, then shook his head with a wicked smile, agreeing.
I leaned against him, my shoulder pressed to his, and he laid a kiss on my temple. His lips were warm on my skin and I closed my eyes to savor the feeling of being safe and secure in his home and life. He’d risked everything for me and there were no words for how grateful I was. More than that, he gave me something even better—him.
I tilted my chin up and stared at the soft lines of his face and the scruff that lined his jaw and upper lip. He was so fucking handsome. “Thanks, Sam.”
He blinked at me.
“Those guys you dealt with? You saved me and I can’t repay you for that.” I frowned. He’d told me about the news report featuring the assholes and said not to worry. But it was hard. “You gambled on me, and if the cops find out?—”
He shushed me and planted his lips over mine. I moaned into the gentle kiss that made my stomach turn wobbly. I leaned up into him, my hips rocking forward for contact with his thigh, and he groaned into my mouth. Then, he broke away, and I whined pathetically. When he came in for another kiss, I pressed a hand to his chest to stop him, and it earned me a confused look in response.
“I want to show you something.” I cleared my throat before moving my hands in the signs I’d learned. “My name is E-z-r-a,” I said aloud in time with the ASL. “I love you.” I didn’t overthink spilling my guts because it was true. In the short amount of time I’d known Sam, he’d enraptured me and brought me safety and given me a home. He was special and I wasn’t going to take that for granted. Finally, I finished off the last signs, the ones Dalton had taught me on Thanksgiving. “I am committed to you.”
Sam stared, eyes a little wide, before he cocked his head.
“I’m learning ASL.” I smiled brightly. “I want to communicate with you and you shouldn’t have to keep writing on paper or using your phone to talk to me.”
His eyes glimmered and I thought they were extra shiny, maybe teary, as he turned to grab his trusty notepad and pen on the coffee table. He wrote on it in his adorable handwriting.
You’re learning for me?
I cupped his cheek, smoothing my thumb over his skin. Jittery sensations spread out in my stomach and I had to catch my breath. “For you. For me. For both of us.”
What was those last signs?
I frowned and repeated it. “I am committed to you.”
A grin broke out across his mouth and he shook his head, laughter lighting up his face.
“What? It wasn’t?”
You said I’m pregnant and you’re the father.
I choked on my spit as he actually laughed, the familiar sound eliciting a shiver of happiness from me.
