Page 32 of Love on the Brain
“Yup. I got this. Can you bring me back a Popsicle?”
“Of course.”
Ryan stood and waited for Jane to put on her sweater. She glared at him as she stuffed her phone into her pocket and slung her purse over her shoulder.
This was new. He couldn’t ever remember a time when Jane was upset with him.
Jane strode past him without a glance. He waved at Noah and followed her out. Instead of turning right toward the elevators, she went left to the nurse’s station. A couple of the nurses glanced up but didn’t greet her.
That wouldn’t do. He walked up next to her and cleared his throat. All three sets of eyes at the long counter looked up, and the woman nearest them came over.
“Dr. Engstrom. Mrs. Allen. Is everything okay with Noah? We didn’t see his call light signal.”
Jane answered. “He’s okay right now, but the doctor here”—she glared at him—“is insisting I get food. Is there anyone who can sit with Noah while I’m gone?”
The nurse looked over at Ryan before turning back to Jane, shaking her head. “I regret to say we’re understaffed tonight due to the storm. Most of us have been here going on forty-eight hours. We’ll take turns peeking in on him while you’re gone, though.”
Jane nodded. “Thanks. I get that. I’m a nurse, too.” She sighed and turned to Ryan. “Let’s make this fast.”
CHAPTER9
“March twentieth? Marchtwentieth?”Jane repeated incredulously. “Are you kidding me? That’s”—she did some quick math in her head—“over six weeks out!”
Ryan had the decency to cast his eyes down as he leaned forward and crossed his arms. “It’s not optimal, but it’s our best shot. He’ll have the best team in the country.”
“And what is that going to cost? I’ve just finished paying off Casey’s medical bills. At this rate we’ll be living with Dad in the church cottage forever.”
Ryan’s shoulders sagged. “Please, Jane, don’t worry about the cost. I can help, and I won’t bill for my part. I’m his godfather. I take that honor very seriously. We can do a community fundraiser. My dad’s church—”
“We’re not a charity case!” She stabbed the grilled chicken on her plate, but she wanted to stab him. “Tell me why I shouldn’t just take him back to New England and find a team in-network that can operate sooner.”
His eyes narrowed to slits, and she wondered if she’d gone too far. He uncrossed his arms, leaned forward and placed his fists on the table. Her breath hitched at his visceral reaction. She’d never seen him angry, not in all the years she’d known him. Not even on the ball field.
He spoke slow, with a tight jaw, his voice rising in pitch with each word. “Because there is no surgeon on this planet that loves that kid as much as I do, or cares that he lives a full life more than I do, or is more invested in curing him thanI am!”
Jane absorbed the heated passion behind his words. “Good answer,” she whispered, her lower lip trembling. The last of her strength left her. Overcome by a wave of emotion, she pushed her dinner away, folded her arms onto the table and collapsed into them, burying her head as the weight of despair manifested into body-wrenching sobs that consumed her.
With all that she’d been through with Casey, she’d become a master of crying silently and tucking away her emotions, but she’d never been able to stop the involuntary sobs that usually came when she was overtired, overwhelmed, and feeling hopeless.
Ryan’s response was exactly what she needed to hear, but another six weeks was a long time and not enough at the same time. Six more weeks where something could go wrong, like the tumor growing large enough to paralyze Noah or metastasize, or six weeks until the slip of a surgeon’s knife paralyzed him or worse—until he died on the operating table.
Noah dying on the table was a real possibility, one that she needed to prepare herself for. She’d seen the concern and fear in Ryan’s eyes when he’d discussed the scans. And why else would he be so persistent that only the best surgeons work on her boy?
The big strong arms that had first comforted her after she learned of her mother’s death—and numerous times since then—wrapped around her and pulled her close. “I’m not gonna let him die, Jane. I promise … I promise … I promise…”
Ryan repeated the words while she cried into his solid, muscled chest. When the spasming tapered off, Jane pulled away and was touched to see streaks of tears down his cheeks. He made no attempt to wipe them away or unwrap his arms from holding her.
Jane resisted the sudden urge to kiss the lines of water off his face. What was wrong with her? Thinking about himthatway, especially at this time?
She needed to get her head—and heart—under control.
Because a relationship with Dr. Ryan Engstrom would be a bad idea.
Especially now that Sunny was out of his life and she could get him back as a friend. She’d missed him so much the last few years.
And the truth was, she needed a friend more than she needed a partner. She could take care of Noah just fine, and their support system in Crane’s Cove was amazing. But besides Molly—who was living away in Boston until June—and sometimes Shelby, she didn’t have anyone she trusted enough to confide in, that knew her inside and out and accepted all her quirks and faults and loved her unconditionally for who she was. Someone she could justbewith easily, silently, comfortably.
At eighteen, she’d worried so much about going to college out of state and away from her best friend and family. Florida wasn’t even a short drive home. But when she’d been accepted into the best nursing program on the east coast, she’d put on her butt-kickin’ boots and willed herself to succeed by compartmentalizing her fears and self-doubts. She hadn’t intended to make any real friends; after all, she was there for a purpose. She’d study, volunteer with a ministry group, and stay busy.
