Page 28 of Love on the Brain
Noah tapped the screen, and Casey spoke again. “Okay, I got it. I hear you. Well, I guess that’s it for tonight. Give your mom a hug and a kiss for me, okay?”
Noah paused the video and reached for his mother. She sat on the other side of the bed and pulled him into her arms. A tear slid down her cheek as she held him close. Instinctively, Ryan reached out and wiped the tear off her cheek with the pad of his thumb. Her eyes fluttered open, and she gave him a small smile.
Jane let go, and Noah pressed play one more time. “Good night, my sweet boy,” Casey said. “I love you to infinity and beyond, and I’ll always be there with you, in your heart. May God bless you and keep you safe until we can be together again.”
“Night-night, Daddy,” Noah said. He handed Jane the phone and stretched his arms out to Ryan. “Night-night, Uncle Ryan.”
“Good night, Noah.” He gave him a light squeeze and eased him back against the propped-up pillows.
Ryan walked out of the room and wandered into the kitchen. A phantom pain stabbed him in the gut, and he braced himself on the island.
They did thisevery night.And every morning.
Casey was still very much a big part of their lives.
How could Ryan even think about Jane moving on when Casey was always present? Not that he shouldn’t be, but…
Ryan didn’t know the answer to his thoughts or where they led. It just didn’t seem right to him to pursue Jane at this time when things were still complicated. And would be as long as she was watching four videos of Casey each day.
How could Ryan share her and Noah with memories?
Pursuing a relationship with Jane was a bad idea. A whiskey fantasy, born out of a college kid’s long-buried unrequited dream. It wasn’t reality.
She was still missing him, still grieving.
And Noah wasn’t lacking in the male role model department. He had his grandfather and honorary uncles and a whole community back in Maine to play ball with him and race cars and whatever else he wanted to do. He had his grandparents and extended family here in Austin. He hadn’t needed Ryan for the last two years, so why would he need him now or going forward?
The simple answer was that he wouldn’t. And Ryan was fooling himself if he thought he could ever step into Casey’s shoes.
Soft footsteps on the tile alerted him to Jane’s entrance. He closed his eyes, not trusting himself to even say hello.
“Noah’s asleep. Do you want to watch a movie?”
She was close. Very close, on the other side of the island. He opened his eyes but didn’t meet hers. He shook his head and switched on the baby monitor. “No. I’m actually pretty tired. I think I’m going to turn in early.”
“Okay. I’ll hang here until you get what you need from your room, and then I’ll turn in, too.”
He heard that disappointment in her voice. He was disappointed, too. He wanted to spend time with her, but it was better to keep the temptation away. And the only way to do that was not to be close to her. Especially sitting together, on a couch, watching a cheesy romance movie through this new lens: kisses, promises—a new open road that was sure to lead them to a dead end.
Better to be disappointed now than heartbroken later. He’d already had one woman crush his heart. And he loved Jane too much to ever want to think of her the way he now regarded Sunny.
He left the curtains open and watched the sleet. He had to convince himself that he and Jane were better off as friends. That they always had been and they always would be.
Good friends.And he was still Noah’s godfather. He could visit whenever he wanted.
It would have to be enough.
When Jane came back out, he went to his room to change and grab his pillow. Just as he was drifting off, a beeping sound in the monitor roused him. He grabbed it and studied the screen, horrified. Noah’s body twitched, eyes open, staring blankly at nothing.
Throwing off the blankets, he called for Jane and hurried to the guest room. She arrived as he pulled open the dresser drawer that he’d prepped with paramedic equipment. He cursed as his hands shook as he tried to hold the bottle and syringe.
“I got it.” Jane took the syringe from him, filled it, depressed it into Noah’s neck, and deposited it into the sharps container so fast it gave Ryan whiplash. He could only gape as the little boy’s body relaxed.
Jane checked his vitals, repositioned his head, and sang a lullaby. Ryan couldn’t make out the words; his heart was beating too loudly. The pulse in his ears was deafening.
“I—” What could he say?I froze. I messed up. It’s a good thing you knew what to do.
“He’s never had a seizure before,” Jane said flatly.
