Page 62 of Love on the Brain
“Yes—no. Yes. No?” I noted the panic in her tone as she hurried over to Molly. “We can’t find Casey’s videos. The shortcut icon is gone, and I can’t locate the videos anywhere on my phone. They’re not in the trash, either. Can you take a look? It’s called Casey Vids.”
Molly dried her hands and took the phone from Jane. Ryan watched their expression helplessly as his heart sank. First, for the loss of Casey’s videos, and second for Jane’s reaction. Of course she’d be panicked and worried. He’d wonder if she wasn’t. But there was a twinge in his heart nonetheless.
“I can’t find them anywhere.” Molly flicked her gaze to me. “Doc, are you techy?”
Ryan joined them at the island and held out his hand. She gave him the phone, and he swiped through all the obvious places and some not so obvious.
He pulled up the activity log and sucked in a breath. Someone had permanently deleted a file just after eight this morning. He gulped and lifted his head. Jane’s arms were wrapped around her middle, and his eyes met hers with a flash of understanding. She fell forward, and Molly’s arms shot out to steady her.
“C’mon, Jane. Let’s go brainstorm in our room—er, Ryan’s room.” Molly caught his gaze. “He can read Noah a story while we figure out a Plan B, okay?”
He could only nod, realizing the gravity of the situation. Surely they had the files backed up or available on another phone. When Jane was working, wouldn’t Pastor Porter or Shelby show the videos? Shelby at least would have to have them since she made a book of Casey’s video content.
Ryan followed them down the hall and turned into Noah’s room. Molly had called it Noah’s room.Noah’s room.He could never think of it as a guest room anymore.
And he’d never seen Jane this low. He felt the loss, too, and he imagined for her it was another way of losing Casey all over again.
He had to help fix this somehow, and before the surgery tomorrow.
* * *
Numb.
Jane felt numb.
Molly’s arms guided her down the hall, but she didn’t feel them. She didn’t feel anything.
“Jane.” Molly spoke sharply. “Come back to me, Jane.”
Molly’s voice was muffled, as if it were underwater. Was she drowning?
“Jane!”
She jerked upward. “Huh?”
“Oh, thank goodness!” Molly sat across from her, her hands on Jane’s shoulders. “This is not a crisis. Get it together. The files are backed up. So what if you don’t have them for one night?”
Jane slumped against her best friend. “I haven’t missed a night. Not once, not since he died. I need to call Dad or Shelby to play the video over the phone. Noah needs—”
“No, he doesn’t. How many nights has he come home, already asleep? You or your dad or Shelby play the video anyway, because you asked them to, but he doesn’t hear it. I know for a fact there have been mornings you’ve missed. Now listen—”
“What?”
“Not to me. Shhh…” Molly went to the door and cracked it open. Ryan’s deep voice filtered into the hall, accompanied by Noah’s laughter. “Noah doesn’t sound upset.”
Jane bristled. “Are you saying he doesn’t miss his father?”
Molly sighed as she closed the door and returned to the bed. “Stop. That’s not what I’m saying. Not at all. This is aboutyou. I don’t think you can truly move on until you let go. I’m not saying never watch the videos again. Just maybe not twice a day. Gosh, Jane, if I read my father’s letters or watched videos of him every day—or four times like you do if you count Noah’s videos—I never would have had room to let my stepdad in. All the memories I have are from photos and videos. I was too young, just like Noah, to really know my dad. All I remember was missing him when he didn’t come home.”
“But we can’t forget him, Molly.” Jane wrang her fingers together.
“And you won’t. But it’s time to move forward. Like my mom did. She married her husband’s best friend. Your situation is similar, and you’ve known Ryan for a long time. That man across the hall wants to be a part of yours and Noah’s futures; I can feel it deep to my bones. Don’t let the past take that from you.”
Jane felt it, too. And she wanted to be a part of his. “You’re right.”
Molly took Jane’s hands in hers. “The way I see it is, you have two options. Call your dad and Shelby and see if they can video chat with the videos on their phone, or go without tonight and see what happens. I bet Noah doesn’t even notice. He’s exhausted and distracted and happy and will be out like a light in a few minutes. He can watch the morning video on your dad’s phone tomorrow.”
“And me? I won’t be able to sleep.” A tear trickled down her cheek, and she swiped it away.
