Page 57 of Love on the Brain
Ryan smiled and tightened his arms around her waist, wishing for the millionth time that night she wasn’t wearing a hat so she could rest her head on his chest. Her hands were linked at the back of his neck, and he wanted more than anything to pull her flush against him, cradle her to him, and promise her he’d take care of her and Noah forever, if she’d let him.
Instead, he smiled lamely and said, “Me, too.”
Hours later, on her front porch, Ryandidtake her hat off. He lifted it gently off her head and set it on the porch swing.
He felt her gaze on him and turned back to find her frowning. Ryan reached out to touch her cheek. She closed her eyes and leaned into his palm. “What is it?” he asked.
Her lips parted, and her eyes fluttered open. “I’m happy, Ryan. Right here. Right now. With you. I’m glad you came.”
“I am, too.” It was funny. There was so much more he wanted to say. So much more he felt. But he couldn’t find the words. Caught up in his emotions, he could only do what his heart commanded.
He couldn’t speak what needed to be spoken, but he was one hundred percent sure Jane knew how he felt about her. What she needed was reassurance that this wasn’t a fleeting thing. That he’d do whatever it took to make a forever relationship with her work. That he would step into Casey’s dad shoes and love Noah like he was his own.
But that would all have to wait. If they lost Noah, he couldn’t see a future for them. The pain of the reminder every time they looked at one another would be too much to bear.
Right now, his heart wanted him to kiss her good night. He lowered his lips to hers and poured his whole heart and soul into a kiss that would have to hold them both until Noah was out of the woods.
CHAPTER16
Ryan woke up in a cold sweat the Friday before Noah’s surgery. After ruminating on Dr. Keppler’s advice for weeks, he now faced the moment he’d been dreading: admitting to himself that he shouldn’t operate on Noah.
Noah’s biopsy had been the most draining experience of his life, and he hadn’t understood why until he had.
The boy might not be his biologically, but he loved Noah as if he were his own.
He made the necessary calls, arranged to meet with Dr. Moreira the next day to discuss the plan, and set up a meeting of the entire team on Sunday. Now he needed to tell Jane, as soon as he could get her alone.
Since it was early on a weekday, Connie and Dale were working, so Ryan offered to pick up Jane and Noah from the airport. The little guy would have his pre-op appointment this afternoon, and surgery was scheduled for Tuesday morning.
Jane’s dad, Shelby, and Damon would fly in Sunday night, and Molly would arrive on Monday. He was glad Jane and Noah had such a great support system and even gladder that Jane had taken him up on his invitation for her and Noah to stay with him. Molly would join them at his house when she arrived. The others would stay with Connie and Dale.
As he waited in the baggage claim area with a bouquet of flowers, it occurred to him she might not want to stay with him after he informed her of the change in plans. Though he knew it was for the best, he’d be letting her down, and he was sure that was how she would see it. He’d told her she could always count on him, for anything and everything.
But she couldn’t, and he had to learn to live with that.
He wanted to buy Dr. Keppler’s office space, and he wanted to be with Jane forever in Maine—a happy-ever-after of them running a general practice together and him consulting for and occasionally performing surgeries from a home base. Raising a family behind a white picket fence in a tight community where he wasn’t fighting to balance on a pedestal of expectations.
On the one hand, telling her would serve to prove that he was serious about wanting a future with her and Noah. But was it too soon to voice it? And what if something went wrong during the surgery, like Noah becoming paralyzed—or worse? Would she ever look at him the same way again? Would she blame him?
Whether he held the scalpel or someone else did, how could she not?
“Uncle Ryan!” He turned toward the source of the voice. Noah slipped from Jane’s grasp and bolted toward him, his enormous backpack bobbing up and down with each step.
Ryan sank into a crouch and held the flowers at a safe distance from his body. He scooped Noah up with his free arm, and the little boy wrapped his arms around his neck. After a boost to reposition Noah on his hip, Ryan sought out Jane. Their eyes locked, and she smiled shyly. She averted her eyes, and they fell on the bouquet. Her mouth formed a smallO,and her cheeks turned pink.
That was a good sign.
“Uncle Ryan, are those flowers for Mommy?”
“They are,” he confirmed as he walked to meet Jane.
“Are you taking her on a date?”
“I’d like to. Is that okay with you?” Ryan glanced at Noah as they reached Jane. “Hey,” he greeted her with a side hug. He wanted to kiss her, but he’d save that greeting for later, when Noah was otherwise occupied. “How was your flight?”
“It was awesome!” Noah exclaimed. “I played on Mommy’s phone the whole time!”
“He did. He was such a good boy. And I actually napped until a little bit of turbulence. Glad to be on solid ground again.”
