Page 55 of Love on the Brain
Ryan’s heart rate kicked up. “I can fix that.”
She chuckled. “Maybe later.”
“Promise?” He lifted his brows teasingly.
Jane’s grin widened. “We’ll see.”
Inside, Jane led him from one small group to another, introducing him to her colleagues and friends.This is Ryan Engstrom, neurosurgeon. Dear old friend and Noah’s surgeon.
He didn’t mind the “friend” label. It was accurate. They’d been friends for a long time, and they hadn’t really spoken about defining their blossoming a-little-more-than-friends relationship. While Noah’s life was at risk and his recovery uncertain, Ryan didn’t want to add any more stress to Jane’s plate.
He was just fine with following their hearts, at whatever pace they wanted to go at. He wanted her forever; of that he was certain. And while life wasn’t guaranteed and forever was a timeline that meant something different to everyone, he knew patience was the right way to go now. Lifetime love was a marathon, not a sprint.
And he felt as if he’d been training for it his whole life.
They were in conversation with Dr. Keppler and her husband when Jane’s phone buzzed.
“Sorry, will you excuse me for a moment? It’s Mellie. It’s good-night video time—”
“It’s fine, Jane,” Dr. Keppler assured her. “Go say good night to Noah.”
Ryan smiled at her. “Tell the little guy good night from me, too.”
Jane nodded. “Of course. I’ll be right back.”
Ryan watched her until she disappeared from his view and then turned back to the Kepplers. He didn’t know how much time he had, so he’d get straight to the point.
Once he spoke the words out loud, there was no going back.
But he didn’t want to go back. Not to the past. Not even to Texas.
He looked the doctor right in the eyes. “Do you have a buyer yet?”
Dr. Keppler blinked at him. “For my office?”
Ryan nodded, then glanced over his shoulder to make sure Jane wasn’t there. “Yes. I’m thinking about relocating.”
She stared at him for a moment. They exchanged a glance with her husband. Ryan’s brow and hands felt clammy as the seconds felt like hours.
Finally, she met his gaze. “It’s yours if you want it. Does Jane know?”
He shook his head. “I was going to wait until after the surgery to make a final decision. Just in case…” He couldn’t get the rest of the sentence out. Sliding his hands into his pockets, he grabbed hold of the cotton lining, tightening his fists around it.
“I understand,” she said. “I’ll hold off actively seeking a buyer until the end of March. She wants you here, Ryan. I’ve known her for a long time, and you can trust my assessment. But she’s been through a lot, and I know you know that losing Noah will shatter her into pieces I’m not sure she’ll be able to put back together.” She paused. “About the surgery … are you sure you want to be the one to do it?”
Ryan was taken aback by her forwardness. “I promised Jane—and Noah—I’d fix his head. I have to make good on that promise.”
“No, you don’t. It’s too close to you. There are some things even we professionals can’t compartmentalize, and we shouldn’t be expected to. You’ll never forgive yourself if something goes wrong. How did you feel after the biopsy?”
Ryan blinked at her but kept his expression even, unwilling to crack and prove her point.
She nodded. “You can’t fool me. I’ve been there. I delivered my granddaughter, and I’ll always wonder if, had there been someone else in my position, we wouldn’t have had complications. I thought for sure I could turn her, but I couldn’t, and that led to an emergency cesarean. She breeched, and I was sure there was no one who cared as much as I did about this birth. But that was the problem. My closeness.”
“Yeah,” Ryan agreed. “That’s why I’m doing this. There’s no surgeon out there that cares more about Noah than I do. Or his mom.” The lump in his throat had grown, making it hard to breathe and speak.
Dr. Keppler nodded. “We know. Just think about it, okay?” she asked softly. Her gaze flickered over his shoulder. “She’s back.”
Jane rejoined the group. “Noah says good night to all of you and he’d like me to bring him home some cake for breakfast.”
