Page 58 of Dustwalker
“Just thinking,” Lara said, picking at a piece of meat. She took a small bite.
“You normally verbalize your thoughts without restraint. Why is tonight different?”
Because she felt…subdued, useless, weak. And he’d hammered her reality home earlier.
But we both know there’s nothing waiting for you back there. No one to go home to.
Ronin had been right. She had nothing, had no one. Even Gary and Kate had turned her away. Lara wouldn’t be surprised if someone had already taken over her shack, if there was a stranger sleeping on her pallet, living in the space she and Tabitha had called home.
There was nothing to return to.
“Because Ifeel,” she said. “And, right now, I don’t feellike talking.”
“Are you implying that I don’t feel?”
“You’re smart. Figure it out.”
While she stared at the food in front of her, chewing slowly and tasting little, he was quiet. What the hell would a bot know about any of it, anyway? They lived in luxury, with conveniences they didn’t even need, oblivious to the squalor of everyday human life.
“We’ll find Tabitha, Lara.”
Lara looked up at Ronin with wide eyes. Was he…comforting her? She’d accused him of not feeling, but she knew that was wrong. How many times had he expressed some form of emotion to her? Anger, joy, curiosity, and now concern.
But how could bots feel? They were machines. Hunks of metal and parts. They didn’t have brains, or hearts, or any organs at all.
“You promise?” Lara asked, despite herself.
“I…give you my word that I will do everything I can.”
She sighed, dropping her gaze. “Guess that’s all I can ask for.”
The silence that settled between them was as big and imposing as the wall around the bot district. Growing up, she’d never thought it was possible for a person to lose their appetite—how could you, when there was never enough to eat?—but the food in front of her had suddenly lost its appeal.
Lara wrapped the leftovers and stood, walking to the refrigerator toplace them inside. Another wonder of life amongst bots. Food could be stored in this big box, and it would keep fresh for days.
“Guess I’ll get to it…” Gripping the fridge handle, she looked at Ronin over her shoulder. “Since you’re going to be gone for a few days and all.”
His face went blank, and it seemed he was about to say something. Maybe that it was all right, that she didn’t have to dance for him tonight because she was distressed and tired. Or that, since he’d touched her and broken his word, it was okay for Lara to break hers tonight.
Instead, he pressed his lips into a tight line and nodded.
So Lara danced, as she had every night after her first in this house. Her movements were stiff, her limbs heavy, her steps clumsy. She was numb, her mind elsewhere.
To make it worse, Ronin sat motionless as he watched, conveying no enjoyment. He looked bored or disinterested, no different than the other times.
As she neared the table, Lara spun and slammed her fists atop it.
“What is the fucking point of this?” she screamed, breath ragged.
He kept his eyes locked with hers, moving only to angle his head up slightly. “We made an arrangement.”
“Who cares about the arrangement? I want to know why. You watch and watch, and for what? It’s like I’m dancing for a freaking wall!”
“Because I want to understand. I watch you dance, and it fascinates me because I’ve never seen anything like it. I know all the muscles and bones that enable your movement, understand the scientific laws that dictate your momentum and balance. There should be no mystery. But when you dance, when youtrulydance, I can’t look away.”
“You wanna know the big fucking secret?” She leaned over the table, closing the distance between them until their faces were but a few inches apart. “It’s calledbeing alive.”
His eyebrows angled down, his eyes narrowed, and his jaw bulged, all so subtly that she might have imagined it. But those tiny changes in his expression warned her.
