Page 50 of Red Zone Realizations
“And what makes you think you’ll be good at it?” asks Colin.
“I’ve got six-pack abs and a ten-inch dick.” There’s a quick beat of silence and then everyone bursts out laughing.
I’m spraying whipped cream on each dessert. “Okay, Mack. I think you’ve forgotten that we’ve all been in the locker room together, but okay. I meant more like family, marriage, where you’ll live. That kind of thing.”
Wyatt whispers, “I can never unhear that.”
Mack asks, “Is this because of Audrey?” I cut a hard glance at Colin.Blabbermouth.
“It might be, but it’s also an important thing to consider either way.”
“I think it’s futile to think about the future. You can make all the plans you want, then get hit by a bus tomorrow.” He makes a littlepoofgesture with his fingers. “Then nothing matters.”
“So, I should just go by how I feel right now?” Around me all the men nod. I nod back. “Okay. I’ll start with that.”
The rest of the BBQ passes without incident. I swim with Mikey, throwing weighted rings for the other kids to dive after. When the sun goes down, Jaden lights the fire pit and we all gather around to make s’mores. I sit in a lawn chair and take inthe scene. The crickets are singing the final notes of their summer song, and I’m surrounded by teammates whom I consider family.
I glance at Audrey to my left. She's making sure the kids don’t burn their hands trying to get their marshmallow off the roaster. Jaden tells a story about how when he was a kid his family went camping and his brother caught his marshmallow on fire. He panicked and started shaking the lit marshmallow around. It flung right off the poker and hit Jaden smack in the middle of his forehead. The kids around the fire dissolve into giggle fits and I chuckle too.
When I glance back at Audrey and see her smiling at me, I realize that this all feels an awful lot like home.
I walk through the front door of the building. Nina’s in a tiny old house that was remodeled into a business. They’re pretty common in the city where a lot of the general infrastructure was built around 1940. The office is cozy with a small waiting room. Fitted with a perfectly slouchy couch. I head back to her room since there’s no front desk person. I knock lightly on the door. “Come in!” Nina replies from her office chair behind a big wooden desk. She rises as I walk and meets me at the super comfy chairs in front of her desk. She takes one and I take the other, closer to the door.
Nina has fashionable glasses that make her look younger than she really is. I’ve been seeing her since I graduated college to help with the whole professional athlete thing. In the beginning, we talked a lot about how to appreciate the hard work you put in once you finally hit your goal, not just looking forward to the next thing. Since then, we’ve had various issuesto overcome. It’s like once I get past one thing, something else pops up. Most recently, it was my injury. I was worried I would never physically be the same, or that I wouldn’t be able to play as hard because mentally I would be afraid of getting injured again. I had nightmares about getting hurt. Ones where I broke my neck that would have me waking up with cold sweats. Nina’s helped me through a lot.
She picks up her legal pad and pen. “Are you ready to get started?”
“Yeah, I am. Thanks for getting me in on such short notice.”
“It’s no problem, I had a cancellation for this morning anyway. What led you to texting me on Saturday?”
“I found out the woman I’m interested in doesn’t want to have kids.”
“She’s your girlfriend?”
I sigh. “No, but I would like her to be…” I taper off. “It’s complicated.”
“I see.” Nina leans back in her chair. She writes something down on her notepad. I bet her file for me is a foot thick.
“If we aren’t on the same page, I don’t want to waste her time. I know that there’s no meeting in the middle when it comes to kids.”
“And why do you think that is?”
“It’s too much stress to have one just to please or keep another person.”
“And what are your thoughts on children?”
“I’ve never thought about kids. I just assumed that eventually I’d meet a woman, and she’d know what she wanted, and it would all just shake out.”
“That’s a very male outlook on a huge life decision.”
I lean forward and rest my forearms on my knees. “What do you mean?”
“I mean that as a young woman, she was probably told that being a mother was her whole purpose in life. If she’s already made her decision, then she’s likely been thinking about this since she was very young, maybe high school or college. Did you ask her?”
I had no idea what to say to Audrey when we talked poolside. I didn’t have time to put my thoughts together. Hence, the extra therapy session. “She said she’s known since she was sixteen, but the whole conversation kind of scrambled my brain, and when I came to, I realized it was something I had never taken seriously.”
We’re both quiet for a second. My thoughts churn so loudly in my head I swear Nina can hear me thinking. She’s the first to speak. “If you decided you did want kids, would you be willing to move on from her so that you both could have the lifestyle you want?”
