Page 33 of Red Zone Realizations
The math is simple. Most athletes make a guaranteed amount from their contracts, but often take sponsorships on the side to make more money. There’s only one famous tight end I can think of off the top of my head who makes a low salary as far as the NFL goes, but he more than makes up for it in commercials and sponsorships.
What if he moves on and I have to see him dating other people? My heart drops into my stomach. I’ll have to see him happy every day and constantly be reminded of what we could have been had I (and my sister) not gotten in the way.
Besides, there’s no way he’ll stick around when he figures out I’m not looking to settle down and immediately pop out some kids. So as far as I can see, having him at arm's length is better than not having him at all. This way I can shove my blossoming romantic feelings down, down, down.
I wake up the next morning shaking off one of those dreams that feels so real, but the second you wake up it gets wiped from your memory. After brushing my teeth and hair, I step to the closet where I hung the business casual outfit I agonized over last night with a hefty glass of wine clutched in my hands. The straight leg jean, ivory silk blouse, and black blazer combo with my nude heels gives me the boost of confidence I need to push myself out the door.
Common Bond is bustling when I arrive. Not sure if I’m glad of the subtle buzz in the shop or mortified by how many people could bear witness to this. I glance around the room, the scent of fresh ground beans filling my nose. My heart absolutely sinks when I spot Noah already at a table. I take a deep breath, trying to push the nausea away. He went out of his way, like he always does, and I’m here to pump the brakes.
My heart pounds as I realize I spent so much time agonizing over ending things, I never considered what I would do if he said no to me working for him. Worst-case scenario, I leave here completely empty-handed. No Noah, no money for Sarah. Just me.
Noah’s green eyes shine as they meet mine and I take a seat across from him. I drop my laptop bag on the ground, the weight of it dragging me down even more than I’ve been the last few days. He slides my coffee and a blueberry muffin across the table to me and eyes the bag. “Coming from a meeting?”
I smile, but I’m sure it looks more like a grimace. “No, I thought maybe…” I take a deep breath. “We could talk about work?”
“Sure, if that’s what you want.”
“I think you’re great,” I wince at my own cliché, “but I feellike we might be better as business partners than life partners right now.”
Noah stares at me blankly for a second, like the words I’m saying haven’t sunk in, then he leans toward me. “Are you okay? You seem kind of off.”
I should have known Noah would be smart enough to read through this bullshit. That’s what this is, and right now I’m the queen of it.
I can’t even bring my eyes up to meet his. “I’m fine.” It comes out almost a whisper.
“You’re obviously not, Audrey.” He leans back quickly in frustration and sits silently, arms crossed over his broad chest while I set my laptop on the table and unlock it. I know he doesn’t understand what’s happening.
“Did I do something wrong?” He gestures to the laptop.
“No.” My voice wobbles.
“Audrey,” he pleads, “Please tell me what’s going on.”
I breathe hard. “I can’t.” He reaches for my hand, and I pull it away. “Please, Noah. You have to let me do this.” I hope he can read in my eyes the confusion and the conflicting emotions.
I’m afraid of losing him.
I’m afraid of keeping him.
I see his eyes harden. “We can do whatever this is, but how can I trust you when I know you’re lying to me right now?”
“I don’t know.” How does anyone trust at all these days?
If this had scared him off it would have solved all my problems.
If there’s no Noah in my life, there’s nothing at risk here.
No Noah, no heartbreak.
If there’s no Noah… there’s no comfortable warmth. No clouds in the sky to take the sunset from orange to stunning pink. I try to hide the tears pooling in my eyes. He nods in response. Why am I even crying? This is what I wanted, right? I could have finally stood up for myself and told Sarah to fuck off and dealt with the ramifications of that with my family. I could have just told Noah about my aversion to having kids and let the cards fall where they may, but at my core I am weak.
So I start my regular speech.
“I have a variety of semi- to pretty-famous clients. They range from influencers to pro athletes. My goal would be to find brands that would align with your image and reach out to them and see if they were interested in a sponsorship or one-off ad on one of your social media platforms. When companies reach out to you, I’ll be there to make sure you’re getting a good deal. Your agent and I will make sure that everything is on the up and up.” Noah’s eyes stare blankly back at me while I talk. The excitement I saw there when I walked in is gone. He gives one curt nod and then turns his gaze toward his coffee, still half full on the table.
“I’ll have to give my manager Arie a call and get his input.” I nod, not trusting myself to speak. Noah fills the gap. “I’ll do whatever you want me to, Audrey.”
“Let me know what you two decide.” I choke back my emotions. Holding in the tears threatening to fall and trying not to take off like a dog with their tail between their legs.
