Page 85 of Red Zone Realizations
Tears sting my eyes again. It didn’t even hurt this much to tell my family I was leaving. “I don’t want new friends.”
We watchSurvivor, but I know I’m going to have to rewatch it later on because I take in nothing of the story. I don’t know any of the competitor's names or backstory. I don’t know which one is a lawyer lying about being a teacher for game strategy. I’ll be so lost in a few weeks if I don’t circle back.
I guess I’ll have plenty of time to rewatch while Noah is with his new team and I’m alone in Chicago.
“I found someone to sublet my house way faster than I thought I would, so I’m packing up now and it will all just hang out in storage until we’re ready to go. Before that, I’ll live with Noah.” Chrissy raises her eyes at me while she washes strawberries in the sink. “I know, living together already.That’s crazy, but I think it’s Noah’s plan for Chicago. This is good practice. I’ll know if he hangs up his bath towel before we go to a brand-new city where I don’t know anyone.”
“That’s important to know before seriously committing. You can train it out of them, but it takes years.”
I take the clean strawberries and dry them gently with a paper towel. “I think we’ll just get a housekeeper and then I won’t worry about it,” I say with a smirk. Noah has a cleaner now, but I didn’t grow up with one. That was too frivolous for my parents. I can’t say I’ll put up much of a fight when Noah insists we get one in Chicago though.
Chrissy dries her hands on the kitchen towel and says, “When do you leave?”
“Our flight is Thursday and we’ll be there all weekend.” I take the knife and start hulling strawberries. Noah and I came early to help get stuff set up for yet another team get-together at Chrissy and Colin’s. He might be the quarterback on the field, but in this house, Chrissy is QB1.
“And how did the parents take it?”
I sigh and focus on the berries in hand. “Noah’s parents took it well. They’re used to football life. They might even move to Chicago. My parents… I feel like I just found my footing in my relationship with my mom. I hope moving doesn’t break that.”
“It won’t.” She puts her hand over mine, still holding a strawberry. “I know you love him.” I startle at her words. Of course, I said them to my mom just days ago, but I thought no one else knew. I haven’t even told Noah.
I meet her eyes. “I do. I haven’t told him yet.”
“Why not?”
“Everything’s been so crazy. He’s sad to leave his team. I wouldn’t want him to think I’m just trying to make him feelbetter about Chicago, or that I felt like I had to say it because I’m going with him.”
“Don’t wait too long. I think he loves you too.” She turns back to chopping.
I think he does too. I saw it in his eyes at our partner yoga practice. I’m not going to pressure him into saying anything before he’s ready, of course. So I guess we are both just waiting for the right time.
“It’s going to be lonely around here without you two.”
“I’m really going to miss you. You were my first friend in the Hurricane world.”
“Are you breaking up with me?”
I laugh. “No! But we are going to be long distance now.”
“True. That’s a harsh reality. For the boys too.” We look through the kitchen to the living room where the boys are roughhousing.
“Especially for Colin.” She looks at me and I can tell she’s about to say something serious. I set down what I’m doing and give her my full attention. “We’ve been trying to get pregnant for a year now and it hasn’t been working. I know he’s holding everyone up, but he’s stressed out about it. I’m sure I’m not helping with fertility and ovulation tracking. Jumping his bones during my fertile window whether he’s in the mood or not. At first we were trying to keep it lighthearted and just kind of making love when we felt like it and crossing our fingers, but now I’ve had to get scientific about it. We aren’t making any calls yet, but it sucks.”
I knew they were going through something. Noah told me about hearing phone calls between them when they shared a hotel room, but I didn’t think it was this. Even though I don’t want children for myself, that was my choice. My heart breaks for Chrissy, who obviously wants it more than anything. “I’mso sorry to hear that. I know you want a family more than anything. I hope the science works for you.”
She puts her hand on my arm. “Thank you. That means a lot.” She starts scooping the fruit she was cutting off the board to put in its spot on the tray. “So, are you and Noah thinking about starting a family in Chicago?”
I continue cutting the last few pieces of strawberry in front of me. Since ambushing me at Noah’s scrimmage during preseason, I’ve come to consider Chrissy a close friend. I don’t think she will care that I don’t want kids, but I don’t want to put a bad taste in her mouth after we just talked about her trouble conceiving. But if I’ve learned anything from the last couple months, it’s to speak your truth.
“Actually, I don’t want kids.” There. Not so hard. My heartbeat quickens and I feel the need to try and smooth the admission over. “I know you do and that’s super cool. I love motherhood for you and hate that it’s been so hard. Don’t think that you can’t confide in me if you want to just because I don’t have a similar dream as you.”
She smiles at me and I can feel my shoulders relaxing. “I’m glad you told me. I’ve always said if it’s not one hundred percent yes, then it’s a no.”
I breathe a quick sigh of relief. “Exactly.”
We gather the rest of the fruit we’ve been chopping and pile them onto a serving platter with sweetened yogurt dip in the middle. This was the last thing to put out before everyone arrived. Everything else is either in the oven or on the grill.
When we walk out the back door, with a fruit platter in hand, I notice that lots more people have shown up in the last twenty minutes. People parked and went in through the back gate, so we never saw them.
