Page 49 of Red Zone Realizations
Hey, do you have any time for me this week? Not an emergency, just need to talk.
I put my phone back in my pocket and shift back into team player mode. Audrey has the kid out of the pool, plates in hand, ready to fill up on corn, potato salad, and hot dogs. I approach her and put a hand on her shoulder. “Need help?”
She slumps slightly in relief. “Yeah, can you get him a soda? The teeny ones if you can find them.”
“Sure thing.” I turn toward the covered patio where there are coolers iced down.
I’m bent over, digging through a fuck ton of ice when I spot Jaden’s black Nikes coming up behind me. “What was that about? You looked super serious over there. Especially for two people who aren’t together.” I keep my head in the cooler because I don’t one hundred percent know how I feel aboutwhat just transpired. I’m not completely put off from her because of what she shared, but it is making me realize that I was so focused on football that I failed to consider what I want my future to look like after.
“Audrey doesn’t want kids.”
“Right now?”
“Ever.”
“Whoa.” He takes it in, eyes wide. “That’s not her kid?”
“No, dumbass. That’s her nephew.” I stare at the sodas in my hand.
Silence falls between us. Neither of us knows what to say. Jaden is the first to speak up. “Is that a deal breaker for you?”
“I don’t think so.” I shrug. “I haven’t given it much thought, to be honest. My whole life has been about football. I never even considered…” I trail off, lost in my own mind.
“It’s not crazy to opt out of kids these days. The world is burning, the oceans are acidic, and the cost of living is sky high. The NFL can be full of uncertainties.”
I come up for air from the cooler, a small root beer in my hand. “All good points.”
“No need to rush anything. The good news is y'all aren’t even together. If this is a deal breaker, nothing is lost. Things between you stay the same, right?”
My stomach drops. “Right.” Even though I know I’m falling in love with her. And just like falling off a cliff, the landing is going to hurt like a bitch.
On my way back to Audrey, I check my texts.
Nina
Of course. Is ten AM on Monday good?
I shoot her a quick text back telling her that it is. Then I put the swirling thoughts to the side. I can’t figure out my future ata pool party. I have to be “right here, right now” as Nina says. Or the thoughts will overwhelm me, and I’ll be an asshole to my friends and teammates. As Audrey cracks the soda for Mikey, I add “fatherhood” to my Therapy Topics notes list in my phone. That one-word bullet point is like a loaded gun. I feel the beginning tingle of anxiety at the base of my skull and take a couple deep breaths to bring myself back.
Later on, I end up in the kitchen with the other guys. I’m scooping ice cream on top of brownies in little bowls while Jaden does dishes. Others are putting things away, drying dishes, or just standing around drinking beer.
I can’t stop thinking about my conversation with Audrey. There’s going to be, like, fifty years to live after football, assuming I can play as long as some of the greats, but the average length of an NFL career is four years. Statistically, I’m in my twilight year.
I glance around me at the men in the room, all in the best shape of their lives, but brutalized on the daily. No one knows how long they have on this earth. No player knows how long they have on the field. The swirling of these thoughts prompts the words that tumble out of my mouth. “What are y'all gonna do after football?” Four sets of eyes snap to mine. I shake the can of whipped cream and squirt some right into my mouth just to have something to do while I wait for someone to say something.
Jaden is the first to speak up. “Like next spring when the season is over?”
I shake my head. “No, like when you retire.”
“Why would I have thought about that already?”
“I don’t know… because guys don’t last in the league. You never know if this season could be your last.”
Colin puts the pan he was drying away. “I’m going toretire, then un-retire like Tom Brady. Go to some really shitty team and win another Super Bowl.”
Wyatt leans over and punches his arm. “You have to win one Super Bowl first, dumbass.” Colin fakes going at him, and Wyatt puffs his chest out in response.
A voice cuts through the noise. “I’m going to do porn.” Wyatt and Colin immediately stop, arms falling at their sides. We all turn to face Mack. He gets a confused look on his face. “What? I’m serious.”
