Page 32 of Red Zone Realizations
“Tyler is fighting me for full custody. He got his high school friend who’s a big shot lawyer involved.”
“Mom told me, and I said no.” I put the pan I was working on down and leaned my hands against the edge of the sink.
“I need help.” My heart hurts at the desperation in my little sister’s voice.
“I can’t help with that, Sarah. I only have so much. Need I remind you that I work for myself? Why can’t Mom and Dad help out?”
“They put all their money back in the business.”
I snort. “Okay.” That’s such a copout.
“You work for yourself, and you’ve been working a lot, so either you already have some money to spare, or you can take on a couple extra clients to help me out.”
“Where am I supposed to find these extra clients?” I wave my soapy hands around as if conjuring up said clients.
“Oh. You’ll only needonemore client, I’m sure. Specifically, one who plays professional football.”
The shock of what she's suggesting hits me and I shake my head. “No. I’m not going to do that.”
She puts her hand on my shoulder. “Of course you will. You’re my big sister.” She finishes drying the pan in her hand, sets it down, and leans against the counter. In the space of my silence, she drops the dishtowel on the countertop. “You’re a smart girl, I’m sure you’ll figure itout.” She walks to the fridge and starts getting Mikey’s cake ready.
I marinate in my own disbelief as I wash the rest of the dishes. When Mom said something to me a couple weeks ago, I thought she was acting of her own accord, but maybe she was put up to it by Sarah and just didn’t do a very good job probing me. Obviously, Sarah has decided to take matters into her own hands and jumped at the opportunity that was presented to her after seeing us at the movie theater.
I move into the kitchen to gather around the table. Everyone is here watching while Sarah lights the five candles on Mikey's dinosaur cake. Mom snaps photos of him smiling while we sing. “Happy Birthday” rings in my ears as I stare blankly at my nephew's face lit up by the glow of the candles. The celebration around me is a stark difference to the thoughts running through my mind. I’m actually really livid that my family is putting the burden of Sarah’s legal problems on my shoulders.
I have no idea what I’m going to say to Noah. I didn’t want to get serious, and he wouldn’t be interested after getting to fully, truly know me anyway. Even if I didn’t want to keep everything on the D.L., helping my family is my only option here, otherwise I look like the villain. Noah is a good man. I’m sure he will understand. How much I feel for him already scares me. Maybe this is a gift from the universe—a push in the right direction. A way to hurt just a little now instead of enduring devastating heartbreak later.
Sarah might be self-serving, but I needed to have some sense knocked into me.
This can’t go any further. Not without laying myself bleeding before him. Messy and distrustful as I really am. Even if there wasn’t pressure from Sarah, I wouldn’t have beenready for that. Despite my very real feelings for him, I know in my heart that this is still too new and I’m too scared.
I plaster a smile on my face and head to the living room with my little slice of cake, which crumbles like dust in my mouth. The chatter around me is more like the hum of an annoying mosquito than comforting ambiance.
After gathering up all the empty cake plates, I pretend to check the time on my phone. “Oh, would you look at the time?” I stand and grab my purse, moving swiftly toward the front door.
“Happy birthday, Mikey. Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad,” I say quickly. Before I step out of the door, I realize Sarah didn’t even bother to walk me out.
Mom and Dad look confused, but they both hug me goodbye. Just as I turn toward my car, Mikey comes running out of the house. He slams into my legs and wraps his arms around them. “Goodbye, Auntie Audrey.” He pulls back and looks up at me. “I’ll see you soon?”
I put my hand on his head and ruffle his hair. “You bet.” Then he’s off, running back into the house, taking any defiance I had left with him.
Even when we fight, she’s still my sister and I want to help her.
The days that follow are unlike any I’ve ever experienced. Work feels like an eternity. Yoga classes feel like a blink. Time between Noah’s text messages and mine seem to contract and expand without reason. It takes me hours to respond to him because what is there to say? I’m seriously considering breaking this off, just when it’s starting to get good.
If I tell Sarah to get lost, she’ll tell Noah everything, and I’ll lose him for good. Which is a really shitty thing of Sarah to threaten me with. If I give in to Sarah now, there’s no telling what else she’ll want. It could set me up for more of this in the future. Where would it end? How long could I keep the façade up? How long can I keep hiding from Noah anyway? The lies would eventually bring us crashing down and it would be my fault.
It’s going to be my fault either way. I can hurt us both right now and save us some pain in the future, or I can continue on this path and eventually break his heart when he learns I wasn’t honest with my intentions.
Doesn’t seem like I have much of a choice.
I spent this morning clutching my coffee cup, worrying about how to ask Noah to see me again knowing what I’m about to do. I find myself swinging wildly back and forth between being relieved to have a reason to bolt, and bracing for how much this will hurt. The fact that my feelings for him are this strong after only a few dates scares me. This is a man I could get attached to. Which means I need to get out at all costs before we get to the point in the relationship where he starts telling me what he thinks I want to hear instead of the truth.
I remember what Nicole said,Noah is not Hunter. I want to believe that, I truly do, but after just six months of being newly single, I’m not sure I’m ready to test that theory. Being told he’s okay with something when he’s really not—for years—kills your trust in any human of the male variety. Is Noah a man who would be willing to do the hard work and build thattrust back up? Maybe. But if I do what Sarah asked, I won’t be giving him that chance. I'll be making the decision for him.
I’m saved from my own thoughts when Noah’s text asking me to coffee tomorrow lights up my phone. It’s a tight turnaround. To be ready to onboard a client and break your own heart in the process of twenty-four hours is a tall task.
I have no idea if he would even want to hire me. What if the team already provides a social media manager for him? It’s more likely that there’s someone who does the team’s social media, but their personal pages are up to them. Either way, if he already has someone, then this is pointless, and it might ruin his image of me. He could think I’m just trying to cash in on his notoriety, which I’m sure would leave a bad taste in his mouth. We might be friends, but we’ve never talked about business.
