Page 53 of Twin Flames
‘I’ve got lots of friends. You’re deluded if you think this is friendship. Is this how you feel about your other friends? Do you call them every chance you get to talk for hours? Do you have sex with your other friends?’ Her rage spilt forth, and she struggled to process what he said. She almost screamed with frustration. ‘This is crazy. I can’t do this friends thing you keep talking about.’
‘Cara, please slow down. Try to understand.’
‘You didn’t want to slow down in Seville, did you?’
‘I’m sorry. Things have moved on since then.’
‘How? How have they moved on? We’re both still here, hanging on the phone, wanting each other. What the hell has changed?’
‘It’s difficult to say. Maybe things will be different in the future, but right now, I need some time to figure things out.’
‘Great, you need time. I’ll give you all of the time you need. Get in touch when you want to see me again.’
‘Right. Okay, I see. Got it.’
The hurt in his voice was too much for her to stand. The tears slid down her cheeks, and the salty liquid splashed on to her lips.
‘Don’t you see? I can’t live in the grey like this. It’s too difficult. How am I supposed to do this if we’re together but not really together?’
George’s voice softened, ‘I’m sorry. I’m doing everything I can not to hurt you. I’ve put you in an impossible situation. I know that. It’s not your fault.’
‘Other people leave their marriages when they fall in love with someone else. There’s no reason why you can’t, other than you don’t really want to. You want to have us both. I don’t blame you. It’s the perfect arrangement for you.’
Her words sprang out like sharp arrows, but even as they hit their target, she was sorry. She hated hurting him, but it was too much for her to handle. This time it was finally over. Let him be with his bloody Joanna in this life if that’s what he wanted. She was done waiting for him: she would walk away for good now. He was her husband five hundred years ago; that would have to do. In Tudorville he was still hers as long as she could save him from the gallows.
‘I can’t do this anymore. I have to go now,’ she said, wishing she could run away and hide like a wounded animal.
‘No, Car, wait. Don’t go like that.’
‘I’m sorry. I can’t do this anymore.’ She pressed the end call button on her phone and stood sobbing in the same spot for a long time. She had no spark left in her.
Later that night, Cara lay on her bed, mentally exhausted, staring into space, unseeing. She had replayed their conversation in her head, repeatedly, until she’d worn herself out.
It was no good. He obviously wasn't that bothered because she hadn’t heard from him again. This time it was truly over. Usually, he pushed her away and then pulled her straight back again. It had been like that ever since the day they met in the bookshop. They each had the knack of tugging at one another’s heartstrings.
She switched the light off and drew the quilt up to her chin for comfort, like a child. She wished she could sleep and turn her thoughts off as instantly as she did the lamp. She was desperate for sleep. None came.
Finally, she drifted into a restless doze. At three in the morning, she awoke to a black wave of loss and dread. What had she done? Why was she so headstrong and impulsive? She didn’t want to be without him. A future without him was inconceivable. She tasted the panic in her mouth; the heaviness crushed her chest and made it difficult to breathe.
She checked her phone—still no word from George. The past few months had a nightmarish quality. She tried to stop thinking by forcing herself back to sleep. Sleep eventually came, and she forgot everything for a merciful few hours.
The alarm sounded, and she reached to hit the snooze button on her phone. Another wave of despair hit her as consciousness seeped in. There were some messages. Her spirits soared. He did care.
‘Please don’t do this. We will find a way. What I wanted to say came out all wrong yesterday. I’m sorry. Can we talk today?’
She was lost in a maze with no way out. But she didn’t want a way out; she loved him. Each time she decided to end it, he said or did something which made her love him even more. She reasoned, if he didn’t want her as much as she wanted him, surely he wouldn’t keep pulling her back. This wasn’t the easy option for either of them. It was like being spun in a washing machine on a manic, never-ending cycle. They were locked in and couldn’t open the door.
Cara’s heart soared for the first time in days as she closed her eyes, exhausted from all of the conflicting emotions. He was like a drug.She sank into a blissful sleep as relief washed over her. She hadn’t lost him. When they were at peace, all was right inher world. None of this made any logical sense, but she had no strength left to fight these powerful feelings.
York, 1536
A young servant girl rushed down to the basement, letter in hand. She had been sworn to secrecy about the mysterious residents who were below stairs, as was the entire household. Any news was exciting for the bowels of the earth inhabitants, but Cara leapt off the chair with anticipation and had to stop herself from snatching the letter from the girl’s hand. It must be from George. It was as though she’d been waiting months to hear from him again, but it had only been five days since the previous letter; five agonising days.
It was difficult being cooped up in the basement, keeping the children occupied. They were used to spending a lot of time outdoors on the Willow Manor estate. May missed Nutmeg and kept begging to return home in between bouts of tears.
‘Come along children, it’s time for today’s lessons,’ said Edward. ‘Let’s give your mother some peace and quiet. Just because we’re not in the schoolroom, doesn’t mean you’re excused from your studies, you know.’
‘But we too want to hear news of Father,’ May complained.
