Page 10 of Vile Emotion
I would continue this game that Alaric set up. On one end, I was terrified of Alaric but on the other side, I noticed one thing… he wasn’t going to kill me.
He wasn’t going to let me go and do what I wanted to do; disappear.
Alaric being in my room kept me up and it wasn’t all bad because it had me thinking. It made me plot something I had never wanted before. Alaric Crowne ignited my revenge.
Because of him, the thoughts came to my mind. The hidden feelings and resentment that I still feel toward Edwin and what he did to me, hangs high.
Because of Alaric, I’ve reached inside of myself and plucked out my heart that first year in jail. My heart is dark as the night and there can be no sunlight that comes into it.
Because of Edwin, certain black and blues won’t ever fade. Not the physical ones. Those ones are gone…
No, the ones that no one but I see, the ones stuck on my mind: the ones that chase me in my dreams like he chased me around the house. The ones that remind me that I am alive everyday.
Those ones. The ones that pushed me like he did into the walls.
This was my life. This was my reality and something had shifted being here.
Something inside of me twisted more and more than the strings that Alaric had that was sunken into my skin. I was his puppet and there was nothing I could do about it.
I was already the person he tortured for, for five years. I was the girl who he couldn’t get out of his mind even if he wanted to.
Like he said… I had no words to give to the world. When my mouth opens, I say all the words Alaric wants me to say. When I cough, I cough how he wants me to cough and if he tells me to never leave this home, that’s what I’ll do. Because there is only one thing left here.
I am all that is left of me. The old Juliana had hung herself in her jail cell and I took over.
Suddenly, the water cut off and my eyes opened again. I was no longer lost in my red thoughts of things. In my mind, everything was red, disoriented and I had only myself.
“Out of the shower.” Alaric's voice fills the bathroom
and I don't have to look to know that he's there, not looking at me.
When I turned to face him, he did have his back to me. Did the man not sleep?
I didn't ask why he wasn't looking at me. I knew…
I was no human woman to him.
He probably considered me lower than that.
I was the red devil that took everything from him. But I couldn’t give up the revenge that I needed. This was all that I had of me because the rest belonged to Alaric.
Alaric Crowne ruled my world and if I wanted my revenge on Edwin, I had to become something I knew I didn’t deserve…
I had to become Alaric Crowne’s world.
9
Juliana sat down at the table for breakfast with intent in her eyes. She didn’t have to say what she was going to do or explain it to me but I saw the fire of something that had been ignited in them.
When I asked her who Edwin was, it wasn’t because I had no knowledge of the guy but it was to have her be bold enough to utter that man’s name in my home. To brandish my home with such filth is asking to go to war with me.
“When my son comes to the table, you will greet him and will not react like a mother who gave him up just because, are we clear?”
Juliana doesn’t blink or bat an eye at the words I said to her, instead, she nods.
“Yes, who do I tell him I am?”
“He knows who you are.”
