Page 57 of Vile Emotion
But it’s pointless because Ricky is out like a light. I kiss his curly head and lay back down, this time boldly staring at the picture.
“What the hell is your problem, Juliana?”
39
Ishould be thanking my lucky heavens that Alaric isn’t coming to me demanding more but at the same time, it makes me wonder if it was just a fluke.
Kind of like when people do things in the moment, yeah maybe that’s what it is.
I don’t know how to feel with Alaric kissing me like he did but I did forget everything. All my pain, sadness, and a deep yearning that I buried deep inside. He made me feel as if I were alive again, something that is too dangerous for me to continue to dwell on.
Being alive means facing my demons, being alive means awareness of my situation. In order to survive being here and in the now, I can’t afford that. It can’t be something I do.
“You worked for our family hotel, didn’t you, Juliana?”
Alaric addresses me, shocking me out of my stupor.
Did I leave my bedroom door open, I was mid brushing my hair but now, even that feels too intimate to be doing around him.
“Ye-, yes.”
Alaric’s eyes bore into mine through the mirror that seems to have some magical hold on the both of us. The room is silentand there’s no words being exchanged. There’s no mistaking the desire I see in Alaric’s eyes, he isn’t hiding it but I don’t think he’s trying to make it so apparent either.
Alaric shakes his head and I quickly avert my gaze.
“Okay, starting today, you’re going to be coming to work with me. I know you have the experience so if you’re going to be a Crowne, it’s time you stopped being a prisoner in our home. Time to work it off.”
There’s a tone there that reminds me of the first day we met when I was released except there isn’t much bite to it. It isn’t the same threat anymore.
Is that his doing or is that mine? Are we expecting ourselves to bend, shift and change with the current of what’s happening?
I doubt Alaric is that type of man so it’s better I shake myself awake from that kind of dream. Dreams like that lead to destruction. I don’t have much to live for but I do want my son who doesn’t know that I’m his mother to one day look back at this and see that I'm not just a prisoner. That I can adapt to change and make the best of it and most of all, I don’t want him to see me as a murderer. Something his father will forever see me as.
NEITHER of usspeak as we ride in the car for what is the third week of this new arrangement of working. It isn’t as bad as I thought it was and it was good to be around other people. To not be staring at the four walls of my prison. Although this prison was much bigger, the company gave me the space to hide when the whispers from the others started.
I understand why his employees would treat me like that. I wouldn’t be fond of me either but I didn’t think they’d say it outloud knowing that I could in fact hear them or maybe that’s what they wanted.
It shouldn’t bother me.
For fuck sakes, I was in prison and it toughened me up but hearing the whispers wasn’t much better. At least in prison, it was to your face and not behind your back.
Reacting would be giving them what they want and I don’t want that. Alaric said I was to behave like a Crowne, I am trying but this is taking a dangerous toll on me. On top of that, Alaric hasn’t addressed the kiss but every time there is a meeting or something going on, he’s always staring at my lips. We don’t sit near each other, instead I’m very much opposite of where he sits but it makes me wonder if he did it deliberately so I can only look at him in the room.
Hospitality is what he had me placed in, to learn how to take over that department and be the head. If he were my husband that I loved, I would have expressed why this was a bad idea but unfortunately, that’s not our case. It will never be our case and it’s time I addressed that. I wonder if he’d consider sending me somewhere else to learn this. It doesn’t even have to be out of the city, just at a different branch.
I don’t think the devil is going to let that happen. Alaric Crowne plans on dragging me to hell with him, that’s something I have to remember … but what if he kisses me again? What am I going to do?
40
My door opens and slams and I don’t have to look up to know who just walked in. No one would have the audacity to do this but Cassius. I get it, we’re still mad at each other but it doesn’t change the fact that we still love each other. He’s my brother and brothers fight. Sometimes over the same girl. I want to know when he even wanted to defend Juliana but at the same time, I needed to calm that jealousy in me. It didn’t make sense.
“Realized you don’t want to lose your job?” I taunt him.
Cassius chuckles as he sits opposite of me while I’m behind my desk.
“I’ll lose my job when one of us is dead and gone. No time soon.”
This has me smirking and looking him in the eye.
