Page 31 of Vile Emotion
He answers the phone with a chuckle. “You can’t handle the fucking mess that’s being thrown your way without calling me, huh?”
“Shut up.” I tell him. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Would it have changed anything?” Cassius asks.
“Maybe. I don’t fucking know but now, something is changing.”
“Are you letting her get her freedom from you?”
“Is that what you want?” I checked with him. “She was your sister, too.”
Cassius sighs. “There’s a fucked part of me that doesn’t want that for her but I know that she served her time for fucking speeding through that red light but when I think about the possibility that maybe she was running from something, it makes me want to just not see her being further put in situations that remind her of why she hit someone in the first place. I’ve just been thinking a lot lately.”
There is silence from both of us for a quiet moment.
“What are you thinking about?”
“Thinking about how much I pushed her away before she passed. I did it my entire life that I knew her. She deserved a better brother than what she got. That’s the fucked up part about it all.”
“She knew you loved her. Man, as much as you could show her. She didn’t have anyone else outside of you and her dad.”
I know how much he always told her that she wasn’t his actual sister, that his mother married her father to get out of theshithole relationship she was in when Cassius and Carmen were teens. But Cassius couldn’t fool Carmen, not even a bit. Hell, when I first met her, it was him dragging me along to protect her from some idiot who left her stranded on their date.
My eyes had landed on hers and that was it. She was the pure thing that I needed in my life more than anything else or rather, I wanted her to be in it. I didn’t know what was so enchanting about being around her but I didn’t fight it.
Now, I don't have that anymore. The darkness that I was engulfed in after her and our children’s passing took a hold of me in a way that nothing else could rescue me out of … until I held Ricky. My son.
He saved my life and I loved him from his first little grip of my pinky and it won’t change until I’m six feet under. Hell, even then, it won’t change because I love the hell out of my son and no matter where he came from or rather who, I wouldn’t change how much I love him.
Something clicks in my head about the month he was born in and there’s a slight pang in my chest because my heart tells my chest something my brain hasn’t caught up with.
“Cas, I know you know this so I need you to be one hundred and twelve with me,” a saying that we’ve had since we were kids.
“One-twelve.” he replies.
“What did her report say when Carmen, my child and her got to the hospital?”
“About the accident?”
“Was she pregnant?” I face the diner and I see Juliana, smiling at her next customers as she mouths something off to them.
“Yes and yes.”
“Meaning?”
Cassius sighs. “ I need you to know I didn’t tell you this because I didn’t think you could handle it at the time.”
“What are you talking about?” I ask, confused by his words.
“Carmen and Juliana were both a few weeks pregnant that night. We knew when it came to Carmen because Juliana didn’t know she was pregnant.” My heart drops to my feet. Why didn’t Cassius tell me? “Juliana’s injuries weren’t simply from the car accident. He beat her badly and according to the x-rays, some bones were broken before that night.”
“Stop.” I tell Cassius. I don’t want to hear any more. That’s enough.
“There was a rape kit involved as well. I checked the hospital records.”
“Shut the fuck up, Cas.” My words come out softly and too calm for my own good.
“I’m telling you this because you need to fucking know now. This isn’t simply me protecting you anymore, somewhere inside, you wouldn't want to know then but now, you need to know.”
