Page 16 of Vile Emotion
Once I make it to the house, I don’t say a word to anyone because they all know to leave me be, if I come back at this time of the day. I’m usually gone longer or done when Ricky comes back from school.
There’s only one place no one but the one who is allowed to clean it can come into; my room. Without thinking of anything else, I climb into the bed that I never sleep in with the same sheets that my wife last slept on. When I lay back and stare at the ceiling with my arms bent behind my head and my legs crossed at the ankles with my shoes on, there is a huge picture of a smiling Juliana with her family as they take a family portrait. It’s focused on her more than anyone else and I stare at it like I’ve done for the past five years when I'm ready to end her.
This isn’t an admiration moment, this is a moment of self disgust mixed in with a deep hatred that makes me dizzy. My loathing of her is deeper than the skin that I wear, further down my soul and embedded into my bones. Juliana is everywhere but not for the reasons one thinks when they hear a confession like that.
No, Juliana’s claws aren’t shaking me apart… no, they’re refocusing me on one thing.
Juliana Hart doesn't deserve what she thinks she does. She deserves even more.
Hatred. Anger. Most of all, to be ripped apart; shredded to the point that her soul can’t properly ever be put together.
12
Juliana has been hiding or what she thinks is hiding for a bit now…
I’ve counted the days. It’s approximately 60 days and she hasn’t been returned to me. That’s fine, after I told Cassius to originally find her… something clicked in my head. It was better to teach my wife a good lesson. One, she would never forget.
I finally exited my car that I bothered to drive today instead of making Cassius come with me. I didn’t care for pleasantries with anyone nor was I going to be immediately bombarded by the media with their flashing lights.
Juliana was smart to go to a smaller town outside of where we live. It shows that she has some sense in her. Normally, when you’re escaping someone, it is easier to get caught up in thinking that being further away will have them not crossing county lines to find you but that’s not how it is.
The closer you are, the less likely they are to find you but Juliana doesn’t realize that wherever she goes, even if it's several feet underwater, I can track her. When I told her I’d be embedded into her bloodstream I meant it.
A waitress that she has grown fond of welcomes me into the mom and pop diner and I point to where I want to sit. Withoutany hesitation from her, she walks me over to the section that Juliana works in.
She’s not here yet and I anticipated it to be this way.
Without taking my eyes off the door, I order a coffee while I sit back in the booth waiting until the very moment she walks in.
Just like her, I wasn’t stupid enough to wear a suit or drive my usual cars. I drove up in the pickup truck that I barely drive and wore a simple black t-shirt along with dark blue jeans completed with black boots.
I don't remember the last time I dressed down like this because I swear I was born in a suit but sometimes, in order to do what needs to be done, you have to change your appearance for a little bit.
I roll my neck not liking that there is a kink there and I know that it’s from Juliana forming it. It hasn’t left my side since she decided to take matters into her own hands, hands that couldn’t run away from me even if she tried to chop her own off.
The bell rings letting me know that Juliana has entered the diner, she’s smiling because she thinks she’s safe. I don't want her to see me yet so I place the menu over my face. I don't need to see her to know where she’s moving to.
She has her hair up in a low ponytail out of her face and there’s that smile she’s had ever since she thought she got away from me, someone that she ruined their life but she smiles as if I was the devil. As if I was the real culprit here but it’s not me. It’s her.
The cause of the pain that I cannot get rid of. The reason for the anger that bubbles at the surface that gets ready to erupt no matter who is there.
My mind conjures up a similar smile; my deceased wife. She would be so pissed that I was calling someone else my wife. That she was taking her place but if she only knew or let me explain that there was no need for it. The color red distracts me for asecond on the right side of me and I turn to face whoever would dare sit with me, right next to me and I sigh…
Carmen. She’s sitting there with her arms over her chest without speaking, just staring at me as if she knows that I am better than that. Like I shouldn't be here.
This isn’t the first time that I’ve seen Carmen but my eyes are a bit blurry because I haven’t seen her in a while. Ever since I made Juliana my wife over her, the only woman I would ever love.
Carmen doesn’t say anything, she just watches me with disapproving eyes and I know what she wants me to say or rather what she wants me to do.To let go.But here’s where the issue is… Should I let her go or let Juliana go? I don’t want Juliana around for good things, I want her around to transfer the pain. To give it to the person who really deserves it.
“Hi, can I take your ord–.” Juliana’s words die on her lips as my eyes snap to hers.
My gaze and demeanor is angry because I know just like that Carmen is gone again. Juliana tries to take a step back as her hands tremble. She drops the notepad and pen and my lip curls in anger.
She reaches down to pick it up and I lean in closer to her.
“When you stand up, act like you have some decorum, Mrs. Crowne. Don’t give me or my family a bad name. You already tainted it before I met you and now, it’s time for you to rectify my name.”
My words slip out through my lips and transfer to her like a black mamba detaching itself from me and circling around her starting from the ankles as it slides up making sure she knows there’s no breathing room for her. I will devour her soon and we both know it.
