Page 55 of Vile Emotion
“Don’t ever leave these types of places alone, Juliana. You wait for me.” Alaric says.
Without bothering to check my emotions or myself, I push at his chest.
“Don’t worry about me. Leave me alone!” I yell out for no one to hear.
“What’s crawled up your ass?”
“My ass? Are you kidding me, Alaric? You kiss me like you’ve lost your mind and you’re in my space. Invading everything and you think you have the right to tell me I’m not fucking worth it?” I push at him again, catching him off guard so he stumbles back a couple steps.
“What the fuck? What did I say that was wrong? You think you’re worth me forgetting you killed my wife and kids?”
I have nothing left in me to say to him right now. I’m not worth living my life anymore. Am I?
“What? Now, you’re silent?” He asks in a hushed tone.
“You should’ve left me in that cell. You should have let me rot and die in there. You shouldn’t have told the doctors to revive me when I tried to end my life, I know you did it. You should have let me die, Alaric.” I take a deep breath and let another one out, wiping harshly at my tears.
“Shut up.” Alaric spews his anger my way then cups my face in his hands and kisses me again.
He doesn’t give me a second to breathe as he takes that too. My fingers find his arms as they grip and sink into him. I don’t care if he’s hurting as I kiss him back just as passionate as he kisses me. My breath is gone. He took that too.
I pull away and try to breathe. “You should’ve never done that to me.” I whisper in the empty garage.
“Shut up, Juliana.” Alaric whispers back as he kisses me again. Deeply, this time.
38
Kissing Juliana is obviously a mistake… right?
That’s the only thing I can rightfully comment about because everything else is confusing me right now. I’ve never been confused about a single thing in my life, I’m Alaric Dean Crowne, I don’t get confused. That’s not something I allow space for in my life.
Neither of us have spoken a single word as we drive back to the house, hell, I didn’t even get to talk to the people I wanted to speak to because I was focused on Juliana.
She’s taken over my mind, hell, she’s taken over my mind more than anything else in these moments. Has it simply been moments or has it been more than that?
I need something. I don’t know what but I need it.
When we get in the house, Juliana goes her own way and I go mine, I don’t have anything to say to her right now. Once I enter my room, I lay in bed, fully clothed, not caring about removing my shoes or anything else.
My eyes don’t wander long as they find her face again of the portrait I had of her and her family up there. Maybe that was a mistake, I should have it taken down or cover it with something else, looking at her now, feels…wrong.
My thumb subconsciously spins my wedding band, one that I’ve never felt like it was burning the shit out of my finger but now, it’s a different story. I don’t know whether the guilt should be eating me up as badly as it is or if I should go look at Juliana and ask her what the hell she packs in those fucking kisses.
Shutting my eyes doesn’t change anything, instead it feels like I’ve made it worse but I place an arm over forcing myself to think of anything else. I have to get her out of my mind or better yet, back to where she was earlier…
There’s a tiny knock to my door and I know it’s Ricky.
“Daddy… I can’t sleep, can I sleep in here?”
Usually, we go back to his room, it isn’t that I don’t want him in here, I just didn’t want him to see the massive picture of Juliana and ask questions I wasn’t ready to answer him with then but now, she’s here so there’s not much for him to wonder about.
“Yeah, sweetheart, come in.”
The door slowly opens until I see his little self standing at the entrance with his teddy in one arm and the other still holding onto the doorknob.
“You coming in?” I tease him.
“Yeah…can we leave the door open?”
