Page 47 of Vile Emotion
I gave him up a long time ago and not because I wanted to but because I had to. Just like now, I had to be distant or else Alaric was going to put me on the most wanted list for abducting his child…even if I have the right to.
“Let me take a look.” I grab the sheet and smile at his work.
I can’t believe he came from me, even if I didn’t like Edwin and won’t like him ever again. I'm grateful for little Alaric.We’ve been through a lot, little Alaric and I wish I could tell you all about it but I can’t…
If I told him, would he hate me or would he hate Edwin?
“Soooo, come on, Juju.” He calls me the nickname that his father calls me.
“It’s good.”
He smiles and for the first time since I’ve been here, I see it. He is my spitting image.
“Thank you.”
For his age, he talks a bit more proper and it makes sense, he’s a Crowne. They probably are born out of the womb speaking a certain way or planning revenge.
Speaking of revenge, I hear footsteps that I know as if they were a recurring part of my nightmares but this time, there’s no heels following. My brain is scrambling for what to say and how to say it but I remain neutral, fixing my face to not show any emotion at all.
“Daddy!” little Alaric exclaims as he stands from his sitting position on the floor with me and runs into his father’s arms.
“Ricky!” Alaric opens up his arms and catches the running little boy.
It makes me almost break my neutral stance because I can see how much they love each other and it’s beautiful. That’s why the idea of taking little Alaric with me can never stay in my head or for it to be a thought because I couldn’t take him away from someone who would die for him, much more than I can. His father would give him more than I could ever give him and we both know that.
Maybe one day he’ll forgive me for the way that I gave him up.
After giving his son time to settle in his arms, Alaric walks over to me but I don’t look up at him, just at his crisp, shiny, clean shoes to where I can see my perfect reflection.
“Go get ready.” He says and without giving me the chance to counter that, he walks off talking to his mini counterpart.
“Why can’t I just say no?”
There’s no one there but I wish I could get an answer. Why does he need me to go when he can just take Mia? He’d have more fun, right?
When I finally get in my room, my eyes stare at the chestnut evening gown. The chestnut colored mermaid sequin gown is long sleeve, floor length, with a high neck and the chest area is out but it started from in between the breast area and it makes a moon shaped curve ending a couple inches above my waist with a diamond outline. It looks like it covers just about every inch of my body and it makes me wonder if it was the house manager Beatrice who picked out the dress because I don’t think Alaric would have cared if I covered the scars or not. Even if he isn’t responsible for the scars, it doesn’t mean that I suddenly want to show the entire world that they’re there.
I’m ashamed of them and myself. I don’t have a reason why I am but it’s just a feeling that I’ve had for a while.
A knock comes to my door and Beatrice announces herself. I give her the go ahead to come in and she stands there with a makeup kit and another box.
“What are those?”
“These are your heels that just got delivered and this is the makeup kit for the makeup artist that is being briefed on everything with Cassius.”
“Oh, uh, I can do my own makeup.”
“No need,” Beatrice shakes her head. “Mr. Crowne arranged this.”
“Oh okay.”
As Beatrice placed everything and was about to exit my room, I remembered the dress and called for her.
“Hey Beatrice, thank you for picking out this dress.”
Beatrice gives me a puzzled look but nods once before leaving the room.
The Makeup artist, Monica, comes in and dolls me up then transitions over to doing my hair. It feels weird to see my hair out of my face as it is pulled back out of my face with a middle part and the beautiful coils down my back. It feels weird because they’re my shield against the world.
