Page 44 of Vile Emotion
The car is filled with silence as I anticipated while I continue to drive. We’re not stopping at that dingy motel to pick up anything, we’re leaving this godforsaken town and I want them to know that I don’t have to be present to destroy their lives.
“Yes.'' Juliana answers after a while.
“What?”
“Yes, I can handle it. I’m not weak just because I’m quiet neither am I an idiot because I’m not saying anything about this situation I’m in with you. I figure out how to live with what I’ve got and if it means being Mrs Crowne then that’s what I’ll be.”
“Hmm.” I say with a nod.
“What?”
“Sounds like something Alaric Crowne’s wife would say. Good for you, wife.”
I’m impressed.
31
Alaric and I aren’t suddenly at this good place where we’re walking hand in hand smelling the roses, no, we are still at odds but have reached that understanding. The place where all people, no matter where you come from, reach.
The car ride was a silent one as we kept on driving, I didn't need to ask him where we were going, I already knew.
It was back home, back to the place where everything started and where everything would end.
So many thoughts are swimming in my head like going from being the princess in your family to murder to being a wife to finding out you can see a ghost and now, discovering that the ghost was murdered.
Godric was the only perso—, ghost, that was nice to me. He didn’t pass judgment or ask questions here, instead he just made me smile. Made me feel like I was just a person. One who deserved to work hard for whatever she wanted and then he left alone. But of course, fate didn’t see it simply that way, fate made me a detective and because of Alaric, there was more than one Crowne in my life.
Godric was sweet and I already know Alaric is getting revenge for his brother’s murder but his other brother, Dane. I don’t like him and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t like me.
I’m okay with that because that means he can stay the hell away from me. My hands are full with one Crowne man and I don’t want another coming my way to wreak havoc in my life. With Alaric, him being mean and rude doesn’t do anything but be a constant reminder that I’m paying for my sins, my crimes but with Dane, I owe him nothing. I won’t tolerate him being rude or mean, I don’t know him but I don’t like him.
“Is Dane going to be a problem?” I ask without thinking about it.
“Do you want him to be?” Alaric asks.
“Answering a question with a question isn’t really an answer.”
“You sound like my mother.”
This is the first time I’ve ever heard Alaric even mention his mother and it makes me realize that he has a family just like I do. I miss my mother and father, my brother and sister.
“Well, I’m not your mother. I’m your wife so will he be a problem for me?”
“There’s nowhere that Dane needs to be that’s around you for him to be a problem to you.”
Alaric answers as if I offended him and I won’t apologize for my tone either. He’s the one who created this monster and now, he has to face the consequences of someone like this.
While I don’t think I will ever be truly cold-hearted like he is, I know that there are parts of me that died in that prison. A part of me that won’t ever become like the old Juliana but I don’t know if I want that girl back, she was weak and she let people walk all over her.
I should be better than that. Don’t I deserve some part of that?
Happiness doesn’t have to come with it and I know it’s selfish to think it can but I just want a slice of happiness even if it means leaving Alaric and being holed up somewhere by lonesome.
I want that.
I no longer dream of more.
My mind travels back to the conversation that Alaric had with his father. I don’t know what to even think about when it comes to that, I may not have had the most loving of parents but I knew they loved me and they did nothing wrong, it was all me. I pulled away. Yes, I let myself be influenced by someone like Edwin who didn’t deserve my time or money but my parents did warn me. They did want better for me but I refused to listen.
