Page 33 of Vile Emotion
It was the lies that I whispered repeatedly to myself to make me feel complete. To feel whole.
“I’m going to take a shower.”
“Okay.” Was all I could respond to because my brain was conjuring up scene after scene of how Edwin wasn’t a good man and I ignored it.
I didn’t see the signs leading up to it all.
He manipulated me and I allowed it to a certain extent. I won’t blame myself for him being a bastard who hurt me repeatedly and instilled fear in me but now… like before I ran… I want to get him back.
I want him to learn what true fear is. I stand and make my way to the shower where Alaric is.
"He always told me I was too sensitive. That I was too emotional. That I needed to learn to control my reactions better. I tried so hard to please him, to be what he wanted me to be. But it was never enough.” I start and Alaric doesn’t say anything so I continue to talk.
“He would find fault in everything I did. He would criticize me for the way I dressed, the way I talked, the way I walked. He would tell me I was lazy, or stupid, or that I was never good enough even though I was practically raised with more etiquette than he could ever muster in his bones. I began to believe his words. I began to think that maybe he was right, and that I really was worthless. I was nothing. So, I stayed with him. I put up with his abuse, because I thought I deserved it. I thought I deserved everything he threw at me, because I was nothing.”
“What changed?” Alaric asks me. “What made you drive out like that, that night?”
“Edwin came home and I knew he had some drinks in him. I just knew it then he struck me again. This time, I knew he was going to kill me. For a man to go as fa—,” I stop and take a deep breath before I continue. “I thought he loved me but he hurt me in more ways than one that night. Edwin forced himself on me when I didn’t want him to. He ripped out a part of me that I never thought he could so at that moment, I realized that I didn't have to take it anymore. I didn't have to put up with his abuse. I could leave.”
I take a deep breath and as I release it, tears fall down my face.
“And so I did. It was the best thing I ever did but I fucked up, Alaric. I’m sorry for what I ripped from you and I’ll pay you back tenfold. I understand that now.”
Alaric pulls the shower curtain back and stands there looking at me with his arms crossed over his chest.
“How will you do that?” He cocks his brow.
“I will serve Edwin up to you. He’s the problem and the catalyst. He was chasing after me that night and I crashed into your family. I will stay with you and suffer in accordance as I should but help me take him down, Alaric.”
Alaric doesn’t say a word for a spell but he shuts off the water and steps out, grabbing his towel. I look away and I feel the tips of his wet fingers on my chin as he turns me to face him again.
“You are a Crowne now, Juli. You can take him down without me but I will help you. Only because my son survived what his donor did to you both. Edwin will pay and you will serve it to him.”
“Thank you.” I say and Alaric doesn’t say anything as he stares into my eyes.
It’s not romantic or anything but there is an expression there I don’t understand. After a moment, he nods and walks away.
24
How can you call yourself a man when you’ve forced yourself on a woman? You’re not even a human being when you commit such shit. You’re lower than that and there’s no way out of this but Edwin got a way out.
The thoughts of what Carmen would do pops up in my mind. She would help her and make sure that Edwin gets his but I don’t want to help someone who killed her. It isn’t going to be a random switcheroo on it, suddenly assuming that Juliana is clear and I have to forgive her but I will help her fight the man who abused her because one thing I do not like is a man that is weak enough to put his hands on a woman who cannot fight him back.
I already thought that he was a loser but this is beyond that.
Taking a deep breath, I sit on the bed that’s been giving me back pains yet I haven't focused on it because I’ve been too busy wanting to take out Juliana.
“How is this going to happen?” She says, taking me out of my focus of everything else but here.
“Don't worry about it, you’ll know in time. For now, are we done here or do you think you need time to get it the fuck together in this small fucking incompatible town?”
The harsh reaction from my voice isn’t personal to Juliana, no it is towards this town and the many wrongs they committed. Now that I can focus on other things instead of Juliana for the moment, I pull my phone out and text Cassius.
Cas
Me: I need the mayor of this stupid ass town’s number.
Cassius: yeah, got it.
