Page 30 of Vile Emotion
I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
Sometimes I wonder if my son was better off being adopted by a nicer family. Someone who wouldn’t fear that they would turn into their father.
A father that gives him his all without making it a big deal, without trying to shame him for wanting attention when that’s his son.
My mind races as so many thoughts pop up and it doesn’t even click on what I’m doing as my phone rings in my ear.
When did I pull it out and who am I calling? Before I can check, the voicemail comes on.
“Hey, this is Carm Crowne, I’m not near my phone right now but leave me a little message and I’ll get back to you. If it’s my husband, baby you know better and I love you.”
The beep sound comes on and I hang up. Then I dial it again, I haven’t done this in years and now, it feels odd to be doing. Maybe I just need to let her go. Let Carmen rest because whatever I’ve been doing isn’t working anymore.
Today has proved that I don’t fucking know anything and that’s something that needs to be rectified. I don’t like surprises, never have and now, a big bomb of a surprise has landed on my lap.
My mind tries to reason with my body and fingers as I text Cassius.
Cas
Me: he abused her.
Cas: only a weaker man would put his hands on a woman. She’s not even big enough to want to fight.
Cas: How did you find out?
Me: He showed up here.
Cas: the media?
Me: most likely because why the hell else would that loser be here?
Something about that whole interaction with him makes me chuckle.
Me: Can you believe he had the nerve to sit with me and think that I owed him some sort of conversation? It's laughable.
Cas: sounds like he ended up learning the hard way.
Cas: what are you going to do with Juliana now? Let her go?
Me: what would you do in my position?
Cas: I wouldn't do half of the things you’ve done but then again, I would’ve set her entire world on fire far beyond what you’re doing if it were my wife… but it isn’t.
Me: I know you miss your sister, Cas.
Me: You don’t have to pretend you don’t.
Cas: I miss her but along the way, I've moved on and realized that keeping her alive in my memories is better than wanting to bury Juli for my sister.
Juli?
Me: Juli?
Me: You don’t blame her anymore?
Cas: I stopped blaming her when I found out about her situation, that you didn’t want to be informed about her personal life past what you needed to help you feel better.
Instead of texting, I call Cassius.
