Page 23 of Vile Emotion
Fully waking up, I shake my head again as I further sit up from the chair. I wasn’t going to sleep on the same bed as Juliana and here she is, sleeping peacefully.
I’m trying to continuously remind myself that she is the enemy-the woman who had taken my wife away from me and ruined my life. But, there’s something happening right now, something I very much want to pluck my eyes and throw them away for. Even as I thought about the way she ruined my life and took everything from me, I can’t stop myself from staring at her. Juliana was beautiful, fucking perfect if I sat here and thought about it.
If I allow myself to think about it, to really sit here and watch her like the portrait that was over my bed, painted into the ceiling like the Sistine Chapel, a thing of fucking beauty. It was like looking at a priceless piece of art something that is untouchable and out of reach... for some. Even me.
I don’t want it. I don’t want to keep staring at this art and yet, I simply couldn’t tear my eyes away from Juliana. She is a constant reminder of what I’ve lost and what I could never have again.
All she keeps doing is reminding me of loss and pain... that is why my loathing for her runs deeper than anything else.
17
Ican feel his eyes on me. Alaric is watching me hard and if I turn, I know he’s going to ask me why I’m so comfortable with sleeping while he watches over but I’m not sleeping. I haven’t been able to sleep ever since I left the estate.
Alaric haunts my dreams and all I do is wake up not knowing whether he is in front of me or if he’s going to pop up and kill me.
It did happen but not in the way I thought it would. When I saw him sitting in the booth, my heart had already dropped but now it wasn’t that. None of anything that Alaric said to me has stayed with me.
The only thing that has stayed with me was the fact that he keeps saying Godric is a ghost. My body shakes as I try not to move more than I already have.
“Stop freezing.” Alaric says but I can’t because it’s finally getting to me.
The fact that Godric is or was a ghost yet he was talking to me this entire time is what I can’t grasp.
“I, I, I can’t…” Tears fall. Not because Godric is a ghost but because it means Godric is gone. He’s dead. “Oh, Godric.” I cry out into the pillow harder.
I’ve never been afraid of ghosts or not believed in them. Our grandmother was someone who talked about ghosts or the people remaining on this earth, who could appear to you if you were open to it. She didn’t really dabble in that world but she told me a few stories that her grandmother had passed down to her. Just about how my mother’s side of the family, the Beaudrys, were open to the other side of the veil and that they knew how to help. They were what you would call helpers to those who need to move on from this wretched world. Grandmother nor I learned how to do that but even now, it has me wondering. Asking questions that I’m not sure I can answer myself.
Why did he choose me to see him? Why can’t anyone else in town see him? My mind goes to how caring Godric was with me. How he watched over me as I waited for the bus and his words of saying how I needed to be careful, making sure that I got on that bus.
Godric… Oh, Godric.
“Ah fuck, come on, Juliana. Shut up.” Alaric grits through his teeth but the sobbing gets louder.
He doesn’t say anything else. My mind forgets him as it focuses on that beautiful boy whose life is no longer here. His life is lost.
I feel the bed dip as Alaric climbs in behind me, my body freezes but the tears don’t. He moves in closer, wrapping his arm around my midsection. “Cry it out so there can be some fucking quiet. I don’t even know why you’re crying!” he says with anger laced in his tone.
“I’m sorry.”
“Your ass better be sorry, now hush, Juli. Hush.”
We stay in this position until I’m all cried out but instead of him letting go, I feel his chest rising and falling behind me but I’m too afraid to move. If I move, he might do something crazy,so I stay there. In that position. Not moving a finger for fear that something might make it worse.
Closing my eyes is the only option and in this way, I find myself drifting away into a slumber that I haven’t been able to get since I ran from Alaric.
When my alarm goes off,Alaric still has me in a tight hold. Slowly, I turn trying to get out of his hold. In a flash, I’m underneath Alaric as his body hovers over mine with his hand wrapped around my throat. His expressionless hazel eyes—that I’m used to—have some expression in them today. I don’t know what it is because he narrows them. He tightens his hold around my throat for a second until I’m tapping his hand wanting him to let me go.
Alaric smirks and tilts his head.
“Are you scared, Juli? Did you think that I was sleeping so deeply that you could sneak off before I knew about it?” His voice is low and menacing.
“I, I wasn’t. I was going to get ready for the day before I head off to work.” I tell him honestly.
Alaric doesn’t say anything but he does loosen up his hold around my throat.
“Tell me what you do.” He asks.
“I go and spend time at the women's shelter.”
