I frowned. His words sounded almost apologetic. But why? Because he felt bad for telling me about the moon chase?
It hadn’t been the news I’d desired to hear.
However, I preferred to know the truth, even though it hurt.
Just like I wanted his truth now. “Why are you doing this to me?” I asked, my voice a rasp of sound beneath the streaming water. “Why did you choose me for this game?”
I wanted to at least understand that part. Not that I could change it. Not that it would help me in the future. But I had to know.
“Why do you enjoy torturing me?” I whispered. “Was it a mistake I made? Something I said? Because of my inferior fighting skills?” Now that I had started speaking, I couldn’t seem to stop. “Is that why you torment me? Or is it because I asked for help?”
I stilled as that question left my lips.
“That’s it, isn’t it? This is all because I broke decorum and asked for guidance.” The words were more for me than for him, my mind finally understanding where I’d gone wrong.
Of course it was that error in judgment.
I knew better than to question a Master.
Yet I’d done it anyway.
And now I was paying for the mistake.
“That’s why I’m going to the moon chase,” I breathed. “A punishment for questioning your authority. When all I wanted was to understand why you kept failing me.”
I felt numb. Cold. Frozen in place.
“I’d ask you to kill me, but you won’t.” The words were barely audible. “You want me to suffer. You enjoy it.” A tear escaped the edge of my closed eye. “I hate you, Master Cedric. I hate that you’ve done this to me. And I hate that, despite it all, I still crave more.”
My heart shattered in my chest, a fragile part of me breaking beneath the weight of these revelations.
All I wanted was to curl into a ball.
And die.
But he wouldn’t allow it.
He’d force me to feel. Play with me until he grew bored. And leave me to my fate.
“Just do whatever you want,” I said, my voice brittle. “I won’t fight you. I won’t even question you. This shower isn’t for me; it’s for you. So let’s skip the part where you inspire false hope, and go straight to what you truly want.”
I opened my eyes to meet his tumultuous gaze.
“Do you want to test me again? My oral skills have improved. Shall I show you?” My voice sounded dead to my ears. But maybe that was what he wanted—a dried-up flower.
His expression gave nothing away, his dark eyes dancing over my features as his grip tightened against my hip. “Do you want to know why I kept failing you?” His voice held an edge to it that reminded me of jagged ice.
“Does it matter?” I countered. “You’ll fail me regardless of how I perform. I could be perfect and you’ll still fail me.”
“Youareperfect,” he bit back. “That’s why I kept failing you, Lily. To urge you down a different path. Because I saw where this one was heading. Yet you defiedme and kept pushing, and now you’re going to the moon chase, where the lycans are going to fucking rip you apart. Do you think that pleases me?”
“Yes,” I answered without even needing to think it through. “You’ve been torturing me since the beginning. You’ll enjoy watching the end, too.”
He snorted. “You’ve misunderstood everything I’ve given you.”
My eyebrows rose. “And what have you given me, Master Cedric? A name that you took away? A glimmer of hope that you also took away? Negative feedback about my fighting abilities? A negative grade for sexual skills you didn’t even give me a real opportunity to perform?”
My breath came out in a pant, heat rising to my cheeks as my heart thundered in my chest.