Page 122 of Never Stop
“The research I read says that they don’t know for sure. While it seems desmoid tumors don’t spread, they’re life-threatening because they don’t know if more will grow somewhere else or how big they can potentially grow. In that sense, I would say it’s cancer.”
I tried to follow his logic. “Okay, well it needs to come out, but I don’t want you cutting the nerve until after we have a baby.”
“All right. I’ll have my staff schedule the MRI and surgery.”
I’d like to tell you my MRI was exciting. It wasn’t. I went in, stayed still in the machine for what felt like forever and then left.
One down, one to go.
I hadn’t been sleeping since the news, and during the day, I put on a brave face. I didn’t want Cheyenne to know how scared I was. Hell, I didn’t want my sister or Nicole to know either. I also kept from them everything Dr. Simon said except that the tumor was growing faster and was bigger. If I wasn’t worried, then they shouldn’t be either. But reality was that I was freaking the fuck out.
I had cancer.
Today was surgery day.
After checking in, I waited a few minutes and then I was brought back to have IVs stuck in my hands. I hated IVs. Not only did they hurt, but they’re especially annoying especially when they need to be in you for days.
Easton wasn’t allowed back until she finished. I didn’t understand why. Wasn’t like he would tell her she was doing her job wrong. Maybe policy or some shit.
I engaged in small talk with the nurse to try and help me forget what was happening. I changed into a gown, had hospital socks on, and afterward, the nurse put IVs in the top of my hands and wrapped compression tube things on my legs. I was readyphysically. Emotionally was a different story. I wasn’t ready to go under the knife again. I wasn’t ready to be cut open and in pain again. I wasn’t ready for any of the shit life was throwing at me.
The nurse left for a few minutes, and when she came back, Easton was following her.
He smiled at me as he sat in a chair beside the bed. “Gangs all here.”
“Who?”
“Everyone. Avery, Nicole, Bailee, Gary—”
“Gary?” I questioned.
“Yeah. Something’s going on there.” He smiled.
“You think?” I laughed.
“Even if there wasn’t, he’s still here to support us.”
“I guess that’s true. Thereissomething going on, though.”
“I’ll find out.” He winked at me and then leaned in and kissed the top of my head. “As I was saying, those four are here plus my parents and, of course, Chey.”
“Did Bailee call my mother again?” Bailee was the reason my mom knew I’d had a tumor and was in the hospital the first time around.
Easton rubbed the back of his neck. “She—”
Before he could finish a different nurse stuck his head in the curtain. “All ready to go, Brooke?”
“I guess so,” I lied. How could you be ready knowing you’re about to be cut open and ribs removed? You could tell yourself and everyone else that you’re ready, but reality was, you would never be mentally prepared. Anything could happen on the table—anything.
“Well, let’s go. Dr. Briggs is ready to administer the epidural.”
“We’ll all be here when you get out,” Easton said and leaned down to kiss my lips. “You got this, Superwoman.”
I fought back tears. I knew he thought I was strong, but I wasn’t. I was pretending to be when in reality I wanted to rip the IVs from my hands and never step foot in a hospital again.
The male nurse unlocked the bed and wheeled me out toward the operating room. I stared up at the ceiling, watching the florescent lights pass as we moved. It wasn’t until I knew for sure that we weren’t near Easton that I finally let myselffeel.
Tears rolled down my cheeks as the minutes ticked.
