Page 13 of Her Mountain Man Outlaw
I sit forward in my chair, hands clasped together, forcing myself to meet Sophia’s gaze.
“I’m not gonna bullshit you or act like those headlines are lying,” I tell her. “Fifteen years ago, I killed a man named Will Osborne.” I swallow hard. “He was my stepfather.”
Sophia’s mouth falls open, her eyes widening. But she doesn’t interrupt.
“I never had a dad. Was raised in Florida by my mom, just the two of us.” I try to clear the emotion clogging my throat. “She met Will at a bar. He was a cop, big deal in the local police force. They hit it off and got married when I was in my early twenties.”
I remember it so clearly. My mom in her white dress. Her parents had passed away by that point, so I walked her down the aisle. She was so damn happy. So excited about the future.
“Will had a daughter from his previous marriage,” I continue. “A little girl called Ruby. She was only seven when they got married. I thought of her as my little sister, even though we weren’t blood related. I cared about her a lot. And for a while, everything was fine. I joined the army, so I wasn’t around as much. But Mom kept in touch, and it seemed like things were good.”
It’s not easy thinking back to that time. The calm before the storm, before I knew the truth. Before my life changed forever.
“I was due some leave from the military,” I say, “so I headed home for a couple of weeks. I was missing Mom and Ruby. But when I got home, I knew something was wrong. Felt it immediately. There was this…tension. This undercurrent. I saw the way Mom and Ruby looked at Will before they spoke or did anything. Like they were silently asking his permission. Scared of his reaction.”
My gaze meets Sophia’s. She’s watching me, hanging onto every word like she fears what I’m about to say. I’d do anything to hold her right now. Comfort her. But I force myself to keep talking.
“I didn’t notice the bruises until the next day,” I say. “Will was at work. Mom was making coffee. I saw her sleeve fall back…the ring of bruises on her wrist. I asked her what the hell was going on, and she broke down. Told me everything. That Willwas abusive. Violent. He drank every night and lashed out. She had bruises all over. Always in places that would be hidden with clothes. She said he didn’t hit Ruby. Not yet. But he’d already started pushing her. Shoving her around. Mom thought it would only be a matter of time before he started beating her too.”
The anger flares inside me, burning just as hot fifteen years later. I see Sophia raise a hand to her mouth. She looks horror-struck.
“I can’t explain how I felt in that moment,” I tell her. “Never felt anger like it. I told my mom to take Ruby and go stay with her sister for the night. I told her I needed to confront Will. And that’s all I planned to do at first. Confront him. Tell him he wasn’t welcome, to leave my family alone and never come back. So I waited for him to come home while Mom and Ruby packed some things and left.”
“He came home late,” I continue, “swaggering toward the house in his uniform, stinking of booze. I was waiting for him outside. Told him I knew he’d been hurting my mom. I was mad as hell. Yelled at him, called him every name under the sun. He didn’t like that. But he didn’t hit me right away. Too much of a coward for that, preferred to pick on people smaller than him. Not a big guy like me. But eventually, he swung.”
I can almost taste the humid Florida air. See Will’s furious, rolling eyes illuminated by the porch light. His sloppy, drunken punch that barely made contact.
“His punch didn’t connect, almost as if he wasn’t really trying to hit me. That pissed me off even more. He’d hit my five-foot mom like it was nothing, but didn’t have the balls to hit me properly. So I hit him. And I meant it. I punched him hard, right in the face. He went down like a sack of potatoes. I wasn’t expecting it—guess I thought he had more fight in him. He fell down the porch steps and smacked his head on the concrete driveway.”
That moment still haunts me. It was so quiet after he went down, like the whole world held its breath.
“I didn’t realize he was dead at first.” I grunt the words out like a confession. “Figured he fell so easily because of how damn drunk he was. I shouted at him to get up and face me like a man. But he didn’t move. I got closer, and I could just…tell. The blood, his face…it was obvious he was dead.”
Sophia mutters something that sounds like “oh, God” under her breath. I know I must be pushing her away with every word, and it’s killing me. But she deserves the truth. She needs to know who I really am.
“I knew right away that I was fucked,” I say bluntly. “Will was the superstar of the local police department. He was a big deal, had lots of powerful friends. I knew I could tell my version of the story until the damn cows came home and it would do no good. His buddies at the police department wouldn’t give a shit about the truth. They’d lock me up and throw away the key. And I couldn’t let that happen. Not for Will. I couldn’t let myself spend a single day in jail for that bastard. So I ran. Called the cops from a payphone, told them where to find the body. I didn’t want my mom or Ruby to find him like that. Then I withdrew all my savings and skipped town. Walked and hitchhiked my way across state borders until I reached the Rockies. Seemed like a good place to disappear. Bought an old shack in the woods for peanuts. Fixed it up, made it my home. Been here ever since.”
Sophia wrings her hands as she asks, “What about your mom and Ruby? What happened to them?”
I don’t answer right away. I take a second to compose myself, determined not to fall apart.
“Leaving them behind was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But I knew I couldn’t ask them to come with me. Live like fugitives because of something I did. I knew they’d be safer if I was gone. Trying to contact them was risky, but I sent my moma few letters. No return address, obviously, but I wanted her to know I was safe. I started sending money orders anonymously, once a month, anything I had left over from selling firewood. I missed them like hell.” My eyes sting. It feels like a fist is clenching around my throat as I say, “I found my mom’s obituary a few years ago. Googled her name and…there it was. Said she passed away peacefully in her sleep. A short illness. No specifics. So these days, I send the money orders to Ruby instead. Hell, she must be about your age now, but I still think of her as a little girl in my head.”
Sophia’s eyes are red, glistening with unshed tears. “So you never got to see them again? Either of them?”
“No. I thought about it a lot. Going back and turning myself in so I could see them again, even if it meant a lethal injection. But after a while, I realized they wouldn’t want to see me, anyway. Hell, why should they? Why would Ruby want to see the guy who killed her dad? Sure, he was an abusive piece of shit, but she loved him. My mom loved him, too. I might have saved them from being hit, but I fucked up their lives in a hundred other ways when I killed Will. God knows what they had to go through because of what I did, and I wasn’t there to see any of it or help them through it. I left them to pick up the pieces while I hid in the woods for fifteen years.” I shake my head. “They were better off without me. Both of them.”
“You were trying to protect them,” Sophia says miserably. “I’m sure they knew that.”
“I hope so. I really fucking hope so.”
My heart feels like a lead balloon inside my chest as I look at Sophia, watching her try to take it all in. I always seem to end up hurting the people I care about. Hell, it’s just what I do.
“I know you have no reason to believe it was an accident,” I tell her quietly. “I can’t prove it. The articles will confirm how he died, but nothing can prove I didn’t hit him with the intentto kill him. All I can give you is my word. And I regret it. More than anything, I regret what I did that night. Not because of Will—I don’t feel any sympathy for that bastard. He was abusing my mom and sister. Men like that don’t deserve the air they breathe.” I force myself to quell my rising temper. Just thinking about Will makes my blood pressure spike. “No…I regret what happened because of how it affected Mom and Ruby. It meant I had to leave them behind, and I’ll never forgive myself for that. Not for as long as I live.”
I lapse into silence, my throat raw. I can’t remember the last time I talked this much. Sophia doesn’t speak for a while. She looks like she’s deep in thought, running over everything I just told her. I’m expecting her to leave the room. Hell, maybe she’ll even try to dig her way out of the cabin, clearing the snow enough to run away.
When she stands up from the couch, my sweater still draped over her body, I feel my stomach sink. Knowing she’s about to turn her back on me. Walk away. But then she moves toward my armchair, a determined glint in her eye. Before I can process what’s happening, she leans forward and wraps her arms around me tight. Holding me.
