Page 15 of Crashing Into Me
Husband? Lana didn’t understand that, but wouldn’t ask. She felt bad enough and didn’t want to make him feel worse.
He kept his back to her, staring out into the empty garden, and Lana had no idea what to say to him. This was deeper than what she anticipated for the night. A few more moments of silence passed by before he continued.
“Joel was the favorite son, and I was always the fuck-up. Sometimes a part of me thinks she wishes it were me instead of him. It would have been fair anyway. He didn’t deserve to pay for what I did.”
He blinked back his tears, surprised at himself for exposing those dark feelings to her. She rose from the couch, walked over to him, and took his hand, as she did with her patients. As a nurse, she heard things like this all the time and understood that a person needed an ear, someone to show compassion, even when they didn’t realize it was what they needed.
“Don’t say that. Your family may be pissed, but I doubt any parent would have those kinds of wishes for their children. No matter what the circumstance is, Kayden.”
He smiled and turned his head to her, eyes watery, and she was caught off guard.
“That’s nice of you to say, but I know them better than you. Why do you think you had no idea who I even was?”
He looked back at the darkened sky as the first of the snow flurries began to blow in.
“I don’t mean to be insensitive, but if you feel this way, why would you continue—” she started, but she instantly couldn’t finish her thought. She didn’t have to.
He turned fully to her now, eyebrows furrowed, pain beneath the surface of his eyes, raw and exposed. He looked broken. It was a new expression and one Lana already didn’t like to see him have.
“I wish I knew why. I ask myself that every day, and I still don’t have an answer.”
He gave her hand a slight squeeze, then let it go. He went over to the fireplace, grabbed the poker, and stoked the embers, the fire flaming bright orange. He sat back down on the couch and motioned for her to sit next to him. She followed but sat on the opposite side as they had before.
“So tell me, why is a woman as hot as you, up in a mountain house all alone?” he winked at her.
Any trace of his previous vulnerability had evaporated, and she was surprised by the question. It took her a moment to answer.
“Because I didn’t think I needed an escort?”
“In other words, no boyfriend?”
And now we’re back.She picked up her glass and took another sip. Regardless of his change in direction, he had opened up to her, and she felt it was only fair she did the same.
“Last year around this time, I was left at the altar by my fiancé and boyfriend of four years,” she replied in one breath, and it stung.
She worried that admitting this would make others think something was wrong with her, and that maybe she deserved what she got. He frowned.
“I’m sorry. It truly was his loss,” he replied.
She glanced down at the wine and realized she was already lightheaded.
“I appreciate the sentiment.”
“A real man would never do something like that to someone as brave and kind as you. You dodged a bullet.”
She heard the sincerity in his voice and saw it on his face, and it was a glimpse of who Kayden was at his core. She hoped she would get to know that person a lot better over the next few weeks.
KAYDEN FOLLOWEDHER up the stairs to the second story. He was convinced she was a very private and protective person and wanted to know everything about her. Her perfume scent made him want to reach out and taste her neck as she was only a foot in front of him.What was she wearing, coconut? Almond?Whatever it was, it was driving him crazy, especially when she sat so close to him earlier in the night.
As Lana continued on to her room, she turned slightly and gave a brief nod as she closed the door behind her. He went into his room and shut the door behind him as well. He’d learned a lot about her tonight and couldn’t understand why he decided to spill his guts the way he did. Why did he feel so comfortable with her? Looking into her big brown eyes, he knew he could behimself and trust her with those thoughts. He let everything out before he knew what hit him.
No woman in his past —not even his mother —ever made him feel that reassuring. He regretted what happened to Joel every day of his life, and missed him and his dad so much that it hurt him to think about it sometimes. His solution was to reach for the alcohol, and that numbed the pain—for a little while. It had been a long time since a woman showed any genuine interest in him. He knew he was good-looking, and he had taken full advantage in his earlier years. But now, as an adult in his early thirties, it wasn’t something he was interested in anymore.
He wanted someone concrete, someone real. Once upon a time, Kim was the only person he thought he could open himself up to, and when he did, she broke his heart. Lana was special, he could tell. Aside from being attracted to her like a magnet to metal, he was attracted to her conviction and purpose. She put others first, and he could learn a thing or two from her in that regard.
He understood why she was so guarded and distrustful of men after she told him about the broken engagement. That would make anyone think twice before getting close to another person again. Secretly, he was happy it happened, because now a real man could show her what it meant to be loved by someone. Kayden kicked off his bedroom slippers and stood at his bedroom window. It was past eleven, and the snow had left a cool blanket over the garden, the moonlight making everything sparkle. He thought of his brother’s ashes buried by the bird bath and sighed.
He knew he had to call his mother and get what he had coming to him, but he would do that tomorrow. He walked over to the bed and fell onto his stomach, and stared at the bedroom door. He wished he could go to Lana’s room, grab her, and kiss her goodnight. He knew he probably could, but wasn’t ready forthe repercussions that would have either. She would probably leave Hamby altogether, and he didn’t want to push yet another person away. She was still fragile, and he wanted her all to himself, so he would be patient and wait as long as it would take before making a move.
