Page 77 of Her Tiger of a Duke
“Because I was a lady in distress?”
“Because you looked like my sister.”
Her eyes widened gently.
“You do not have a sister. Everyone knows that.”
“I did. Her name was Lydia, and when you came to see me that day you looked just like her, wild and unpredictable. She was but fifteen when she passed, and I have blamed myself for it ever since. I am not the man that Beatrice deserves, because I cannot protect her like a husband should. I do not deserve her love, Helena.”
The lady was silent for a moment. She rose and began to pace the floor. Every so often, she looked at him like she no longer recognized him.
“Is that to say that you never told Beatrice about her?”
“Indeed.”
“But she was bound to learn of her eventually. She lived in that house.”
“I had everything taken away. She found some articles, but I managed to mend that, and she saw a portrait that looked like her, and you for that matter, but I had it removed.”
“So she might have found out easily enough, but you kept the truth from her. Do you have any idea what she must have thought?”
“No, Helena, I do not. I have been able to think at all since the day I met her. She confuses me, and she makes me realize what an awful man I am, and she smiles at me like that is not the case. I do not know what to do with her kindness, and it is killing me.”
“Why not reciprocate it?”
“Because this kindness, this ability to let people do as they please, is what killed Lydia. I should never have let her leave that day, but I did because she asked me to and that caused her demise. My keeping Beatrice at arm’s length is because I cannot allow anything to happen to her, because I love her.”
The words came spilling out before he could understand what he had said. He stopped, mouth open, and looked down at the ground. When he met Helena’s eye again, she was at last smiling.
“And now,” she said gently, “you are ready to face her. Go to her and tell her the truth. You must tell her everything, and thenonce you have done that you must apologize profusely for doing what you did.”
“But I cannot,” he huffed. “I do not know where she is.”
“You know where her friends are. You know how to procure a carriage, if that is what you truly want. You are a duke, Owen. It is time for you to act like one.”
“But what if she does not want me?”
“If you let her slip away from you now, she never will. Stop being cowardly and find her.”
Nobody had ever spoken to him in such a manner, with the exception of his sister. He laughed, in spite of himself. Clearly, it was what he needed to hear.
“I have been such a coward, haven’t I?” he confessed.
“You have done what you thought was best. Now that you know it was not, you can change. Give it until tomorrow morning, and if she has not returned, go to her. She will be somewhere you know of, I can assure you.”
“How can you be so certain?”
“Because I know my friend,” she laughed. “She would never admit it, but she has always wanted to be loved. She has alwaysbeen too proud to say it, and she has never seen herself as worthy of it, but it is the truth. Beatrice wants to be adored, and I know that you can give her the affections she needs, because I am also a friend of yours.”
Owen hoped that she was right.
For the rest of the day, he waited for Beatrice to return. He waited for her to walk through the door again and say that she had done wrong, but she did not. She had clearly decided that it was for the best that she disappeared altogether, and he could not allow that.
“I am going to find a carriage in the morning,” he said firmly at dinner.
“See to it that you do,” Helena nodded. “And when the two of you have mended everything, you simply must come back to see us again. We will have our child soon, and I would hate for you to not meet them for a long time.”
“Of course. I can only hope that I find her soon, for I am terrified that something has happened to her.”
