Page 36 of Heartbreaker of the Ton
Then she blinked and the desire vanished, replaced by distress.
But in that moment—that sweet, glorious moment—she had wanted him.
And he wanted her. Lord save him, hewantedher.
“F-forgive me, Etty…” He hesitated. “I mean—Mrs. Ward. I don’t know what came over me. I didn’t mean to…”
Curse it!Why could he not complete a coherent sentence?
“I-I mean,” he said, gesturing to himself, “I’ve never…”
No—that wouldn’t do. He’d drawn her attention toward that part of him over which he had no control. An inferno of shame raging through his cheeks, he crossed his legs to hide the bulge in his breeches.
“Are you a rake, Mr. Staines?” she asked, her voice steady.
Why was it that she was able to maintain her composure where he’d turned into a blabbering simpleton?
“I’d never take a woman unwilling,” he said.
She tilted her head to one side. “That’s not what I asked. Besides, there are many forms ofunwilling. Most men choose to ignore them and use their ignorance to justify their actions.”
“I’ll confess my ignorance on such matters,” Andrew replied.
Anger flickered in her expression. “To those who lack understanding, unwillingness takes one form,” she said. “Struggles, pleas to stop, and cries for help. But, unfortunately formysex, there exist the predatory creatures amongyours, who take advantage of a woman’s innocence of mind. Those who flatter and prey upon the need with which my sex is burdened in a world ruled by men.”
He nodded. “The need to find a husband.”
“You understand our plight, vicar. Perhaps you also understand that it places us at a disadvantage. It pits us against each other—we become rivals, often fighting each other to secure the attention of a man. It can also place us in a position of desperation if we are required to yield ourselves—much as a gamester with little capital will throw in everything he has to secure the prize, at risk of ruination to himself. It is this form ofunwillingnessin a woman that goes unnoticed—a desperate woman who dares not defend her virtue when placed under persuasion to yield.”
“You make me quite ashamed,” he said. “I’d never take such advantage of a woman. I wouldn’t even know…”
A smile curled her lips and a glint of amusement twinkled in her eyes. She was laughing at him, at his naiveté.
He looked away, but she caught his hand. “Mr. Staines—Andrew—be not ashamed of your innocence. I asked whether you were a rake because I deplore rakes. The fact that you are not such a man is in your favor. It is something to be proud of, though I fear most men consider their…inexperienceas something to be remedied as soon as possible.”
“I have seen the impact a rake can have on a woman,” Andrew said. “A woman not unlike yourself.” He closed his eyes, recalling the image of Eleanor sitting in the very same chair Etty now occupied—a creature as innocent as he.
“Who was she?” she asked.
He shook his head. “It matters not. She’s happy now—married to the cad. I hope, one day, he’ll begin to deserve her. He certainly gave me cause to believe so, if such a man can be redeemed by the love of a good woman.”
“Only if he loves her in return.” She squeezed his hand. “Did you love her also?”
“I believed I did.” He sighed. “I loved her enough to let her go—and I love her enough to be content that she is happier with another than she ever could have been with me.”
She smiled. “That’s the purest form of love—that which you harbor for another, where you place her welfare above your own convenience.”
His heart leaped with recognition, and she nodded.
“Yes, Mr. Staines,” she said. “I recall your sermon that first day, alone, at the back of a tiny church in a remote little village. It was the first time I truly understood the meaning of love—to place the happiness of others first.”
“It’s whatshedid,” he said. “I remember sitting here in this very spot and telling her the same. You remind me a little of her.”
She stiffened and drew in a sharp breath. “Wh-what do you mean?”
“Your kindness,” he said. “She and I shared a friendship. There’s no harm in a man and a woman becoming friends, is there?”
For a moment she stared at him, the haunted expression returning to her eyes. Then she stood.
