Page 103 of Harpy of the Ton
“Stay away from me! I can’t bear it!”
Her legs crumpled, and a pair of arms caught her, pulling her against his broad chest. Oh, how she’d longed for his embrace! But not like this—not after he’d admitted to wanting another.
“I knew her before I met you,” he said. “Like any man, I lay with other women as I entered manhood.”
She struggled to break free, but he held her firm.
“Please,” she said. “Let me go!”
“Not until you hear what I have to say,” he said. “Do you know the moment when I lost all desire for Millie—and for other women? It was when I first kissedyou.”
“No…” she whispered, ignoring the pleas of her heart, which yearned to believe him.
“I swear it’s the truth.”
Tears stung her eyes. “How do Iknowyou speak the truth?”
“You don’t, love,” he said. “I can only ask that you trust me. I heard Millie was staying at the Oak, and I went to see her—to tell her to leave you alone, that I wanted none but you. If the brooch was for her, wouldn’t I have given it to her, rather than keep it in my desk?”
“You swear?”
He nodded. “Ask Ned, if you wish—he knows her well.” He released her and took her hands, bringing them to his lips. “Bella, I swear on the life of my children, I have no desire for another woman. How could I evenlookat another when I have you?”
“Then why do you never want me?”
“Oh, Bella! You’ve noideahow much I want you.”
He pulled her close and claimed her mouth. Her body came alive as the air filled with the musky, masculine scent of him—of fresh grass, smoke, and wood. She let out a whimper, and he deepened the kiss, drinking her cries while a low growl reverberated in his chest.
“Oh, woman,” he growled. “Don’t ever think I’m not touchin’ you for want of desire.”
His hardness swelled against the top of her thighs, and she arched her back, thrusting her hips forward, relishing the delicious sensation of him against that part of her where the ache begged to be eased. “Please.”
He stiffened and broke the kiss. She glanced up to see him gazing back at her, his eyes black with desire. Yet in their depths, she saw guilt as he pushed her back.
“Forgive me,” he said. “I-I can’t.”
“Because you don’t want me?”
“Lord no, you can’t imagine how much I…” He shook his head. “Believe me, it’syouI’m thinking of, not me.”
“Do you no longer love me, Lawrence?”
He blinked, and moisture shimmered in his eyes.
“Perhaps…you never loved me? Isthatwhat you were going to tell me?”
He cupped her face in his hands, the callouses on his palms rough against her skin. “No,” he said. “My feelings for you have only grown.”
“Then what?” she whispered. “I-I cannot bear not knowing. Every day I try to remember and my mind stumbles around in the dark, trying to find a piece of my past—who I was, what I’ve done. You—our children… I’ve fought so hard to remember.”
He caressed her skin, igniting a small ripple of need. “What can you remember, Bella?”
She closed her eyes. “Sometimes I see an image—a woman kissing me goodnight…a man who smells of cigars, smiling down at me…and flames.” She swallowed her fear as the image rose in her mind. “Flames and smoke. Shouting, screaming—then roaring…until it goes dark, and the image is gone. Can you understand what that’s like—to have my life taken from me? Whenyoudeceive me, it’s like my life’s been taken from meagain. What if my memory never returns? I don’t know who I was, or what I am—whether there are people who love me or hate me. What if Iamwhat the gossips accuse me of? What if I did something so sinful, but I can’t remember?”
He drew her in his arms again, and she cursed herself for revealing her fears. Shame engulfed her as she closed her eyes, bracing herself for his admonishment—or worse, his laughter.
But neither came. Instead, he rocked her to and fro, soothing her with soft whispers.
