Page 157 of Harpy of the Ton
Lawrence took a step back. His cheek still stung from her first blow, and he had no wish to discover the potency of her right hook.
“I tried not to,” he said. “Many times, I drew back—restrained myself.”
“That’ssogentlemanly of you,” she sneered. “Should we congratulate you for delaying her violation at your hands?”
“She wanted it,” Lawrence said. “She wantedme.”
“I say, Baxter, that’s far enough,” Trelawney said. “That sort of talk’s not suitable when there’s ladies present.”
His wife snorted. “Spare my sensibilities, Ross! I’m well aware what happens between a man and a woman when they’re in love. I’m merely trying to establish whether your friend ruined Lady Arabella out of gratification or lay with her out of love.”
“Of course it was out of love!” Lawrence cried. “What kind of man do you think I am?”
“Most men arethat kind of man,” she replied. “Dunton most of all. You profess to love Bella, yet you ruined her. Try to view the world from her eyes. She’s lost and alone, her body violated, and her reputation ruined. You deceived and betrayed her—made her believe that you were her husband, and your children were hers. And for what? A whim?”
“Not a whim,” Lawrence said.
“What, then? An act of hatred? Are you a decent, hardworking man eager to make a better life for himself, or a revolutionary content to persecute those who have more than you?”
“You think I don’t regret what I did?” he said. “I regret the misery I caused her, and the misery she’ll endure. But I cannot regret the joy of knowing and loving her—the light she brought to my life, and the children’s lives.” He drew in a sharp breath and lifted his gaze. “And I’llneverregret loving her, Mrs. Trelawney.”
“There’s little point in making such a grand declaration if you’re not prepared to act upon it, Mr. Baxter.”
“What can I do?”
“Fight for her,” she said.
“I cannot fight a duke,” Lawrence said. “Dunton won’t let me near her—most likely I’ll be shot on sight.”
“Then seek the help of your friends, Mr. Baxter. Ross, can’t you do something?”
“Dunton’s hardly likely to be receptive to anythingIsay,” Trelawney said. “Whitcombe’s more likely to succeed. But I can’t ask him—he loathes Lady Arabella.”
She shook her head. “So, you’d forsake her as well.”
“What if she doesn’t want me to fight for her?” Lawrence asked.
“I didn’t want Ross to fight for me,” she said. “I too was lost and alone, blinded by fear, believing that everyone had forsaken me. But I’m thankful every day that Ross removed the blindfold. He opened my eyes and taught me to hope again.”
“Bella hates me,” Lawrence said. “I saw it in her eyes.”
“You’re unwilling to risk a few sharp words from a woman you’ve wronged?” She shook her head. “Clearly you don’t love her enough. Perhaps you never did.”
“I did love her enough! I still do—more than life itself.”
“Then prove yourself worthy of her.”
“But what if she deems me unworthy?” Lawrence asked. “What if I do everything I can to bring her back only to find she’s forsaken me?”
She let out a sigh and took Lawrence’s hand. He flinched, anticipating another blow, but instead, she lifted it to her lips and kissed his knuckles.
“Poor Mr. Baxter,” she said. “I can never condone what you did, but I believe you love her—and I saw the love she bore you every time she looked at you. So I urge you not to surrender to defeat. You must accept responsibility for what you did. You must accept the risk that she may never forgive you. But could you live with yourself if you gave up trying when there was still hope?”
Lawrence inhaled, shuddering as he fought to suppress his despair.
“You’re right, Mrs. Trelawney,” he said. “I cannot leave her at the mercy of that man while there’s still hope.”
“Then perhaps, Mr. Baxter, you may after all succeed in your endeavor to deserve her.”
