Page 88 of Stoplight
“The stakes are high… Both men are head strong. I still don't know what I should do though.”
“I think you do, Irish. I think you know exactly what you want but you don't want to hurt anyone in the process.”
A subtle smile settled on her lips. Her heart was leading the way, but her mind wasn’t too far behind, trying to catch up and persuade her to do what was right.
“I guess you're right. I don't want to destroy a friendship or my relationship.”
“A part of being an adult is making the hard decisions even if they’re wrong. Experience is the greatest teacher in the world and sometimes, those mistakes are vital to our growth. If I had a recommendation, I would say think long and hard about your situation then make a decision. Letting it linger on will cause more strife. Making a choice would at least show that you know what you want.”
“…Okay.”
This visit was enlightening as well as heavy. It caused more confusion to plant roots in Irish’s mind. She loved talking to Carrie, but her heart was heavy because the gloom that loomed over her had somehow darkened.
“Well, it was so nice meeting and talking to you, Irish. Come see me again soon.”
“I will. Thank you.”
Irish hung up the phone and grabbed her latte. She then stepped out of the booth in disbelief that she had confided in a stranger.
“How did it go?” the older lady asked.
“Uh, I guess okay.”
“See, I told you that there was nothing to worry about.”
Irish smiled at her. “Thank you so much.”
She started her walk toward the storage center more confused than when she entered the booth.
Fifteen
“Good looking out on meeting me, Irish.”
She hadn’t seen Jovanis in a couple days. They’d texted, but for the most part, he had been on the go. After shipping her orders, he sent her a text asking her to meet him at the bar. She agreed and now here she was, watching him consume his second shot of Don Julio.
“What’s wrong?”
He sighed, swiveling his chair toward her. His features showcased stressed, which was something he could never hide from her.
“I’m tired, Irish.”
Instantly, her heart leaked at the sound of his tone. Defeat was saturated in his voice, provoking his sadness to infect her.
“What happened? You know you can tell me.” She grabbed his hand.
“It’s a lot, man.” He shook his head. “… I might end my situation with my guy.”
Her eyes widened, surprised that their time had come to such a sudden end.
“Why?”
“Because he wants me to come out and live life all proud and shit. I’m not on that, and I don't think I would ever be.”
This had unfortunately been a reoccurring theme in Jovanis’ life. Battling with his sexuality had been a difficult situation. Growing up with men who prided themselves on their manhood forced Jovanis to play the part even though he was attracted to the same sex. Acting like he was drawn to women had been tortuous. Engulfing himself in the street life just to prove a point to people who would never accept his authentic self had become exhausting. Jovanis was trapped in this faux portrayal of what people saw him as, not as the real him.
“What’s stopping you? Is it your family? Is it TLM? What is it?”
“You know what it is!” he snapped.
