Page 10 of The Price of Mercy
Chapter 4
Zane
Staringat the red GPS dot on my phone is murder on my eyes. I tell myself that I’m only checking where Kane is to make sure that he’s safe, but as soon as my eyes move past the blinking little dot to the street name, my blood runs cold.
King Street, otherwise known as Frat House Row.
The place I explicitly asked Kane not to visit.
Considering Kane’s history, I shouldn’t be surprised that he disregarded my request, but it still fucking hurts. He could be balls deep inside of someone right now, fucking all of his pent-up frustration with me out of his system. Yeah, I kept the video of Mercy declaring her interest in Reaper a secret from him, but it’s for his own good.
Ourown good.
Clenching my fist, I slam it on my desk, then remove my glasses and rub my aching eyes. Nothing good will come from tonight. My week of self-indulgence, rolling around in the sheets with Kane and pretending the rest of the world doesn’t exist, has clearly come to an end. It’s everything I ever wanted, and yet…
Somehow, it doesn’t feel like it’s enough.
This feeling ofnot enoughhas been nagging me over the past few days. Maybe that’s why I sent the video to Sam’s fraternity—blowing everything up means that I don’t have to confront the reality that what I always wanted might not be what I actually need.
But that’s fucking stupid. Kaneiswhat I need. He’s always been the one thing keeping me grounded to this shitty experience calledlife.Without him, I’d be dust in the wind—too fragile to choose my own path and not strong enough to change anything. With him, I have purpose. My life has meaning because he gives it meaning.
That’s all there is to it.
Blowing out a breath, I spin in my chair and stare up at the ceiling. Despite any unrest nagging at me, being locked away indoors has its perks. I don’t have to talk to anyone. I don’t have to worry about appearances or social etiquette. The worst of my troubles is keeping Kane from spending too much money online shopping or flirting with disaster for fun.
Disasters like a six foot, chronically depressed, cynical ball of anxiety like me.
Maybe I’m the problem. I should be happy. After years of pining for the man, he’s finally mine. I wake up wrapped in his arms, warm and safe, his breath on my back and his scent on my sheets. Everything should be perfect…but this wriggling doubt in the back of my mind taints even the most tender moments. I lie awake and listen to Kane’s breathing in the middle of the night, desperately ignoring the anxiety clawing at my eyes. I don’t even know what’s causing me to lose sleep—I just know that I’m uneasyall the fucking time.
Is Mercy the problem? Could it be that simple?
I clench my jaw as memories of her porcelain skin, silver in the moonlight, rise to the forefront of my mind. Does everything always have to come back to that fallen angel of a woman?
Something so ethereally beautiful shouldn’t exist.
The front door suddenly creaks, and footsteps sound down the hall. My bedroom door is open, but Kane smacks its face anyway, slamming it into the wall as he stomps into the room. I sit up straight, anticipating a confrontation.
It never comes.
Kane pulls open my dresser drawers and grabs a duffel bag from my closet, shoving clothing inside without speaking to me. Withoutlooking atme.
Nerves skitter down my arms. How long have I been staring at my computer? I glance at the clock in the corner of my monitor. It’s past sunrise by now. Shit. He never called to check up on me, and I never called to check on him either. Is he mad about that? Or is this about Mercy again? Daggers stab the back of my eyes as I think of her and Kane together, the two of them canoodling in every sense of the word. Maybe he’s going to leave me for her. But he’s packing up my things, so he could be kicking me out instead.
Taking a breath, I try to calm my racing heart. I’m being paranoid when I have no reason to be. Calm down.
Calm the fuck down, Zane.
While Kane rummages through my belongings and dips into the attached bathroom for God knows what, I click through his phone’s tracking history. Sometime over the past few hours, I missed an entire detour across the city, curving around the mountainside to reach the Morningstar property. What was he doing there? Tucking Mercy into bed for the night?
Jealousy burns like magma in my gut as I picture him taking a bleeding, broken angel home, setting her down in the shower, and gently washing her battered and bruised skin. Wiping the tears off her cheeks. Kissing her swollen lips. Easing the ache inside her body by healing the cracks in her heart.
It should bemehe tends to.Mybroken, aching heart.
Because if he saw Mercy tonight, I?—
Sharp pain in my chest renders me speechless. I watch, barely breathing, while Kane doesn’t so much as look at me. Why won’t he look at me? Drawing a shallow breath, I clutch my chest. Each beat of my heart aches. Am I so disgusting to him that he can’t stand the sight of me? The thought of living together gives him hives, so he’s kicking me out without a word? Packing my bags and throwing them out the window?
“Kane—”
