Page 56 of Heavy is the Crown
“Come for me,” I command. I feel the hot spurts of his release covering his stomach and my fist. Once I feel him start to relax, I pull my hand off him and bring it to my mouth to lick his salty cum off my fingers. “Fuck, you taste so gods damn good,” I moan. “Ava, would you like to watch Shadow swallow my cock down his throat?”
I see her pink-haired head pop up over Shadow’s body, her eyes glazed over with arousal and the last remnants of sleep. Her plump bottom lip is pulled between her teeth, and she nods frantically. I smile at her, and Shadow shifts his massive body up as I lie back on the bed. My cock juts out proudly from my body, and Shadow’s stare is hungry.
“Be a good boy and show Ava how well you suck dick,” I demand. Shadow doesn’t hesitate as he envelops me with his mouth. I fist his hair in my hands and almost cry out at the feel of his tongue across my piercings. “Fuck, your mouth is sent straight from heaven.” I thrust upward, hitting the back of his throat. The gagging sound he makes is music to my ears.
Glancing over at Ava, I see her slowly slipping her hand between her legs, but I shake my head. “Did I say you could touch yourself?” She whimpers. “Keep your hand away from that tight cunt. Come sit on my face.”
Her eyes widen before she is scurrying into action, throwing her leg over me while her hands grip the headboard above. “Ride my face until you drown me.”
“Oh, gods,” she moans out at the first feel of my tongue on her wet velvet. “Oh, fuck. Drago.” She begins to thrust her hips, and I alternate between pushing my tongue deep inside her andplaying with her clitoris. I’m in absolute bliss as Shadow sucks me and Ava grinds on my face, the three of us lost in the sensation. Shadow’s fingers start to creep downward, inching toward my hole. I shift my hips up slightly to give him better access and groan at the first brush.
I pull Ava slightly up off me. “You have until I come to get off. And if you can’t, you’ll be waiting all day with that wet pussy begging to be filled.” She begins to fuck my face with renewed vigor, my chin dripping from her enthusiasm. I push a finger inside her, gathering some of her wetness before I spread her ass cheeks and slowly probe with my fingertip. The tight ring of muscles gives way, and I fingerfuck her with slow, measured movements. I feel her muscles clench right before she floods my face and screams my name. My own release is not far behind, and pump after pump fills Shadow’s mouth.
Ava slumps to the side, removing her delicious pussy from my face, and Shadow pulls my now soft cock from his mouth. The three of us lie panting, covered in sweat and come, and utterly blissed out.
It’s easy to forget that my mate isn’t safe when we are like this.
Shadow
“Shadow, you have to go to her.” Ciaran’s voice sounds pained as he begs. But I keep shaking my head no, the words failing to come out. It’s been weeks since I last saw Ava, and my skin feels like it’s crawling. As if tiny bugs are making their home directly under my skin, or searching for a way out. Ciaran shoves me into the wall, plaster cracking from the force of it. “She’s your fucking mate, and you’re leaving her to rot inmy father’s prison. You are killing her.” His voice takes on a sinister tone before it begins to morph into one I know well.
“Worthless boy.” My father’s form replaces my best friend. “End this now. The world is better off without you.” He pushes the blade into the palm of my hand, and sweat breaks out across my temples. My hand shakes as he continues to describe how terrible I am. How worthless. All the things that I already know and feel.
“Stop,” I beg. “Please.” The words tumble from my mouth even as I bring the blade closer to my arm.
(“Gasoline” – Halsey)
My body shoots up from the bed, the dark room around me suddenly suffocating as I try to ascertain reality from the nightmare. My breath is heavy and feels too loud in my ears. The sheets that were once comfortable are now a jumbled mess around my body, mistaken for ropes tying me down in the darkness. I push my body off the bed, almost falling out of it as I rush to the bathroom. I barely make it in time for the contents of my stomach to end up in the toilet. I don’t stop until it’s only bile and my body shakes from the effort of trying to expel something that no longer exists.
They say drugs are harder to walk away from—that’s a fucking lie. The Eufori withdrawals lasted a week, and since that time, I haven’t wanted the drug. Sure, it’s been tempting, but the thought of my mates in my bed has helped. But the craving to hurt? To see blood? That is something I can’t seem to pull away from. Even in my dreams, the urge stalks me relentlessly. My palms itch and arms shake whenever my anxiety starts to take hold. Or when those memories sink their poisonous talons into my mind.
Eyeing the drawer to the left, I am trembling head to toe. My hand moves without permission, as if someone has taken control of my body, and I watch as it lifts the hidden blade, wrapped intissue paper, out of the drawer. I had forgotten about this one, missed it when I purged the rest of the house.
With it firmly in hand, I flee to the one place I haven’t been since this all started: the empty apartment Drago gave me. My portal opens to it, and stale air hits me square in the face. The air feels oppressive as I step in and drop to the ground.
Pushing back, I sit against the wall opposite where the fissures formed the last time I was here. I brace one hand on the cool tile floor as my body attempts to return to a normal temperature. The other is still holding the piece of metal relief I’ve been fighting against using. I eye it hungrily, the desire creeping into every pore of my body.
Just one. You can do one or even two and no one would know. Easily hidden or explained away.
“Fuck,” I groan, dropping my head back against the wall and closing my eyes for a moment. The temptation is too great. I’ve never been good at resisting.
Drago and Ava have moved into their roles flawlessly, as if the past no longer exists and it’s just us now. But I can’t let go of the past. I remember every time I failed them, every time I chose to run to drugs or just run away in general. My mind refuses to allow me to forget the poisonous words that bled from me onto Ava and Drago all the times I tried to push them away. And no matter what I do, I can never forget the feel of my mother’s body in my arms as she died.
No matter what Jackson says of her ghost, I cannot allow myself to forget or forgive the mistakes I made. Her blood is on my hands, the first kill my dragon and I ever made, and it wasn’t the last. When I die, I know I will face a tribunal of angry souls whose lives I took gleefully. Whatever punishment they deem fit will be the price I pay for this life.
“Are you okay?” The sudden interruption startles me, and I look up to find Ava standing in front of me. Her eyes briefly landon my hand before they go back to my face. She doesn’t wait for an answer before she invades my space, sliding down the wall next to me. “I mean, I suppose that is a dumb question. You're here at four a.m. having just puked your guts up. And you're holding onto that as if it’s the only way you’ll stay alive. So, a better one is, what is going on in your head?”
“How did you get here?” My voice sounds too loud in my ears.
“Ah, benefit of our bond, it appears,” she replies as if that’s enough.
For a moment, I don’t speak, I just close my eyes and allow us to be in the same space together. “I was horrible to you.”
Silence descends between us again before I hear her breathe out a long sigh. “Yes. You were. You pushed me away, and because of that, I got hurt.” I wince at her words, but she holds up her hand, stopping me from saying anything. “I got hurt because you refused to mate me. I’m not talking about the physical wound, that wasn’t on you. That was on Alexi. I’m talking about the fact that you claimed me on a dirty-ass mattress and then refused to bond to me fully. That is the hurt I’m talking about.”
The look on her face is broken, a type of grief you can only know when you’ve experienced heartbreak of this magnitude. I have no words for her, no apologies I can give that will make amends. She blinks her silver eyes, clearing the emotion. “Shadow, I’m not going to punish you. You’ve done that enough yourself. I’m not an idiot; I see the scars under those tattoos. I watched you spiral. Whatever you did to yourself is worse than anything I could do right now.” She scoots a little closer, her hand now resting over the tissue-wrapped blade. “Our past will always be here; triggers will always exist.”
“So, how do we move on?”How do I stop this cycle?
