Page 28 of Heavy is the Crown
FIFTEEN
He is showing magic. I fear that when this is all over, I will not be the mother I had hoped I’d be.
– Personal entry of Kara Carmine in the Carmine Family Grimoire
Shadow
The dreams that invaded my mind overnight have left me even more tired, if that’s possible. I shift my body slightly, feeling cool satin against my naked back, and bite back a groan at the hangover currently trying to crack my head open. I blink a few times, slowly bringing the dark room into focus. A light from behind a cracked door is the only thing providing illumination. Not that I need it—now that my dragon has ripped apart its cage, my eyesight is unmatched. He smiles at me, satisfaction at my inability to rebuild his smoldering cage evident on his face.
Just below my chest, I can feel my beast rumbling as I look over at the small form curled next to me. Ava lies in a mess of pink curls, her red lips open as she lets out a relaxed breath. Asmall smile creeps across my face at the tiny ball she’s curled herself into. It’s a rare smile these days. I often wonder if Drago sees it as well: when Ava isn’t “on,” she’s pulled in on herself. Distant until she notices someone paying attention and that switch goes back up. Something is going on with her, and my dragon is furious that we don’t know what it is.
For a moment, I let myself imagine lying back down with her, pulling her close to my body and relaxing. My dragon huffs approval of the idea, and I start to move to pull her in, but then she shifts, and her shirt raises up so that jagged scar is in view. The illusion shatters, just like that, and that voice in my head laughs viciously as it reminds me that scar is my fault. Her pain is my fault. And I don’t deserve to have any peace. So, I carefully slip out of the bed, my mouth tasting of ash as I hold back my dragon and move into the bathroom.
My stepbrother’s bathroom greets me with bright lights and the smell of eucalyptus. I squint as my eyes adjust. The shower is rounded and open to the room, and two shower heads attached to the ceiling allow a constant stream of rain, no matter where you step, to pour down on top of you. Tile flows from the shower out onto the bathroom floor, the surface warm under my feet. Pulling off my black boxer briefs, I step in and turn the water as hot as it’ll go. Standing under the deluge, I allow it to burn tracks down my tattoo-covered body, my black hair a heavy curtain in front of my eyes as I brace both arms against the wall.
“Funny, how despite being a dragon with flame affinity, you still turn pink under water.”
I don’t turn to face Drago, just keep my focus on the water running down me, shutting my eyes tight against the pull deep within anytime he gets near me.
“I take it you dragged me here last night?” I ask. Even the sound of my own voice, still rough from sleep, makes my head pound.
“Someone had to; that poor girl was working way too hard just to be disappointed in the end,” he says, a quiet laugh following.
I feel him step toward me, and despite there still being distance between us, I feel crowded. Caged in.
“What do you want, Drago?” My voice is barely steady, and I know if he gets any closer, I’ll crumble.
(“Somewhere I Belong” – Linkin Park)
“You know what I want,” he says in a husky voice, taking another step toward me. Without even turning around, I know he’s at arm's length from my naked body. His scent invades the space around me. Another step, and his hand is a ghost on my back, forcing me to turn and face him. His eyes are glowing, his own dragon shimmering just beneath the surface. His white hair is hanging loose around his face, tiny water droplets collecting on the strands. His eyes are hungry, and I know if I were to look down, I would see his hard cock jutting out from his tattooed body.
“I’m tired,” I whisper, the confession slipping past my lips before I can hold it back. The truth is, I’m exhausted. Fighting for so long, holding this anger for so long, has leeched all my energy. I don’t know if I’ll survive much longer. Maybe, had I not been forced to live with them for this long, I could have limped through life as I was, but fighting the overwhelming urge to mate has taken what small reserve of energy I had. I’m barely eating, I think the only reason I still have muscle on my body is from my dragon. Sleep exists only from drugs or alcohol. The ghosts of the past don’t haunt a house, they haunt me. Follow me.
His eyes flash to something I can’t place, but he pulls my head into his, bringing our foreheads to touch. The feeling of him instantly calms me. My breath loosens and my chest relaxes, as if this is the first time I can actually breathe. A shudderescapes me. I allow myself to soak it in, just for now, allow myself to rest against him.
“So let us help. Let us take some of this. You don’t have to keep fighting this alone,rakkaani,” he says. “Aren’t you tired of running?” I shudder as he grabs my hips, pulling my body into his. My dragon hums out in approval as he holds me, not a single part of my body free of his touch.
Take the help,my dragon growls.
A tear slips from my eye, followed by another, until I’m sobbing and he’s holding me tightly. I feel my legs give out, and I drop to the black tile of the shower floor. Drago follows me down, offering soothing noises and promises that he shouldn’t be making. My soul cracks open and a tidal wave of regret and fear and shame pushes through as I break apart in his arms. All the things I’ve held back, kept with my dragon in its cage, swirl around me.
I’m worthless. And weak. And I’m not worth the worry they keep putting on me.
“Shut up, shut up!” I yell at those inner voices. “Leave me the fuck alone!” Viciously, I clutch at my own arms, raking my hands down my skin, desperate to dig out the demons. Drago pulls at my arms, banding himself around my massive body, until I’m in his lap with my back pressed to his chest. Small droplets of blood start to appear on my arms, where my claws must have come through. Even the sight of something normally soothing doesn't make me feel any better.
“Rakkaani,you aren’t what those voices say. It’s not your fault. None of it is your fault, or your dragon's,” Drago says over my begging for those voices to leave me alone. I desperately want to believe him, but years of listening to those demons can’t just be undone in a single moment. I can feel my breath quickening, feel my pulse rapidly beating out of control, andpanic sets in again.I can’t lose control. Losing control means hurting the people I love. And I can’t hurt anyone else.
Drago must notice because I feel his lips press to my neck, his nose dragging up as he breathes me in. His hands, having kept me from hurting myself, start to loosen and he traces my tattoo lines up my arms, smearing the blood I drew as he goes. At some point, his touch moves from soothing to erotic. I feel his cock harden against my back, and I let out a moan. He lets a hand move up and grip my dark hair before pulling my head back so he can have better access to my neck.
“Please,” I whimper.
Drago
Hearing Shadow’s broken voice beg me snaps any restraint I was holding onto. The difference between Shadow and myself? I love my dragon. I love when he comes out to play. Like a switch flipping, my dragon surges to the forefront, and I’m no longer in charge. We had two different upbringings. I had the chance to get to know that other part of me, without fear of it being used against me. My mother was many things before she was sold to Shadow’s father, but she wasn’t abusive. She encouraged me to get to know my dragon and taught me that we are an extension of each other. Shadow didn’t have that.
My hand shoots out and grabs his hard cock, drawing a gasp from him as I sweep my thumb over the weeping tip. The shower spray is still falling on us, mist swirling and filling the room, obscuring us from the outside world. As if nothing else matters outside this space, outside of our need for one another.
“What do you need, Shadow? Do you need to come in my mouth? Hmm?” I squeeze him a little harder. “Or do you need me to use you? Fill your ass up until it's dripping out of you?”
